J-Bay Chronicles

God Of This City

2009-05-28T16:20:00.003+02:00

You’re the God of this city
You’re the King of these people
You’re the Lord of this nation
You are

You’re the light in this darkness
You’re the hope to the hopeless
You’re the peace to the restless
You are

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things have still to be done in this city

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come
And great things are still to be done in this city

Cory Asbury "Where I Belong"

2009-04-13T19:10:00.005+02:00

Cory Asbury "Where I Belong" (Song #34 on my player)

Your presence is all I am longing for, here in the secret place
Your nearness is all I am waiting for, here in the quiet place
Here in the secret place

My soul waits for You alone
Like the watchman wait for dawn
Here I've finally found a place
Where we'll meet, Lord, face to face

I've finally found where I belong
I've finally found where I belong, in Your presence
I've finally found where I belong, it's to be with You, to be with You

I've finally found where I belong
I've finally found where I belong, in Your presence
I've finally found where I belong, it's to be with You

Your presence is all I am longing for, here in the secret place
Your nearness is all I am waiting for, here in the quiet place
Here in the secret place

My soul waits for You alone
Like the watchman wait for dawn
Here I've finally found a place
Where we'll meet, Lord, face to face

I've finally found where I belong
I've finally found where I belong, in Your presence
I've finally found where I belong, it's to be with You, to be with You

I've finally found where I belong
I've finally found where I belong, in Your presence
I've finally found where I belong, it's to be with You, to be with You

I've finally found where I belong
I've finally found where I belong, in Your presence
I've finally found where I belong, it's to be with You, to be with You

I've finally found where I belong
I've finally found where I belong, in Your presence
I've finally found where I belong, it's to be with You

I am my Beloved's and He is mine
So come into Your garden and take delight in me, take delight in me

I am my Beloved's and He is mine
So come into Your garden and take delight in me, take delight in me

I am my Beloved's and He is mine
So come into Your garden and take delight in me, take delight in me

I am my Beloved's and He is mine
So come into Your garden and take delight in me, take delight in me

Delight in me, delight in me
Delight in me, delight in me

Delight in me, delight in me
Delight in me, delight in me

Here in Your presence, God, I find my rest
Here in Your presence, God

Here in Your presence, God, I find my rest
Here in Your presence, God

25 totally random facts

2009-04-09T18:41:00.001+02:00

I am having a seriously hard time gathering my thoughts together to post something, so here's some randomness about me... I posted something like this back in February, but... yeah....

1) I want to be homeless. Seriously. I want to wash my hair in a McDonald's bathroom sink and wonder where my next meal will come from. I want to see and experience life as a homeless person does.

2) Being a parent is the hardest job in the entire world. I have a new level of love and respect for my parents. Mia is my world though... I adore her. She's one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

3) I need people. I am a people person. I honestly do not understand people who need so much alone time. I can't even remember the last time I thought to myself it would be so nice to have some alone time. That's definitely not me.

4) I'm not an animal person. Dogs are cool, but the second one jumps on me, I'll freak out. Don't know why. However turtles are kinda cool...

5) My dad inspires me. His boldness blows my mind. I don't know if I'll ever find a man that I respect as much as I do my dad.

6) I think that the new facebook is lame. I do not spend nearly as much time on facebook as I used to. THANK GOD.

7) It's very hard for me to say the words "I love you", but I genuinely love my friends. I wouldn't be where I am today without them.

8) I am opinionated. Sometimes I give out my opinion when I know I shouldn't. I'm working on that one... I'm still learning the filter.

9) I want more than anything to be like Jesus. He is the most radical man to ever walk the face of this earth. I'm in love with Him.

10) I'd rather be with a man who's a recovering heroine addict that is MADLY in love w/ Jesus than a "perfect", hypocritical, passive Christian.

11) I am very trusting. It's just part of my nature. When I meet you, I automatically trust you. Which is a blessing and a curse. I think that's why I'm so open and honest. I just trust people.

12) I never got my wisdom teeth. They just never grew in. Is that normal?

13) I hate this mindset that we have as Americans that if we don't buy our kids lots of crap that they do not need, we don't love them.

14) I wish I was musically talented. Sometimes I ask God why he didn't give me that gift... I think it's because he knew it'd be too prideful if I was musically talented.

15) I have been an entire week without taking a shower. I was pretty frickin nasty. It was freezing cold... I was in Africa... (ha- I don't know why I just admitted to that)

16) I am not a picky eater. Sure, there's stuff that I'd rather not eat (squash- gross), however I'll eat pretty much anything. Born to be a missionary I guess.

17) I'm pretty sure I do not wash my jeans often enough. How often is "enough"? I don't get when people wash their jeans after only wearing them once. That's just strange.

18) For years I wished I had straight hair instead of curly. In the past few months I've embraced the curl more than ever. That doesn't mean that I'm retiring the flat iron or anything... just not using it quite as much.

19) I absolutely hate cats. I'm highly allergic PLUS I was traumatized as a child... we got a little kitten that went psycho on me and clawed my lip. It's fingernail got stuck in my lip. I was about 7 years old. It was truly traumatizing. (What is it about things getting caught in my lip??)

20) I would love to have a few little boys. However, there are days when Mia gives me such a hard time and I feel so overwhelmed that I think I'll never have any more kids. One day, I suppose.

21) I was bald until I was 3. Literally... bald. That's part of the reason why my mom got my ears pierced. She dressed me in lacy, pink dresses and STILL people would say, "What a cute little boy!"

22) I'm terrified of needles. When I have to have blood drawn I get all teary eyed and sometimes faint. It's quite embarrassing. I'm not sure why I don't mind needles as much when I get a piercing...

23) I had really bad asthma as a child. When I was 4, I was hospitalized for a week because of an asthma attack. I remember it very well. I rarely have issues with it anymore though.

24) I don't remember how to write in cursive. I can remember certain letters, but when I try to write and actually make words, my mind goes blank. I learned how to write in cursive in 1st grade but was never required to write in cursive after 1st grade.

25) Somewhere deep down inside of me is the desire to plant a church. Don't know if or when that's ever going to happen, but the desire is there. Runs in the family I guess.

Hurricane

2009-04-02T06:31:00.002+02:00

"Hurricane" Jimmy Needham

I have built a city here
Half with pride and half with fear
Just wanted a safer place to hide
I don’t want to be safe tonight

CHORUS
I need You like a hurricane
Thunder crashing, wind and rain
To tear my walls down
I’m only Yours now
I need you like a burning flame
A wild fire untamed
To burn these walls down
I’m only Yours now
I’m only Yours now

I am Yours and You are mine
You know far better than I
And if destruction’s what I need
Then I’ll receive it Lord from Thee
Yes, I’ll receive it Lord from Thee

(Chorus)

And it’s Your eye in the storm
Watching over me
And it’s Your eye in the storm
Wanting only good for me
And if You are the war
Let me be the casualty
‘Til I’m Yours alone
I am only Yours
I am Yours alone, Lord

(Chorus)

Come be my hurricane

Raw Christianity

2009-03-31T20:54:00.006+02:00

Okay. I have been really struggling with what to write about. I have so many different random thoughts going through my mind. Let me try to pull them together and see how things goes...

I went to FCA the other night, and the guy spoke about alcohol. First let me say that it was the most biblical sermon I have ever heard about alcohol and I enjoyed it, but this post is not about alcohol. He talked about sins that go along w/ alcohol. Judgment. Foolishness. Drunkenness. But here's what touched my heart. At the end of the whole thing, he said a prayer and in a half lit room, with hundreds of college kids and he said this: "If you're here and you've struggled with acting foolish because of alcohol will you stand and I'll pray for you". People stood. He prayed. Then he said, "if you're in this room and you've struggled with judgment because of alcohol. Maybe you choose to drink and you've judged people who choose not to. Or maybe you choose not to drink and judge those who do. Regardless, stand up and I'm going to pray for you". And TONS of people stood up. I looked to my right and saw a couple of men crying. As I watched their tears flow, I could feel their heart felt repentance. That act of complete humility brought me to tears. I wept with them and thanked God for allowing me to see humility.

So I've been thinking about that for about a week now. And I've been asking myself if I am moved to tears over my sins. Am I repentant? Do I possess that kind of humility? Am I willing to be completely open and vulnerable about my struggles?

What's the difference in my struggles and yours? What's so different about my anger and pride struggles and an alcoholic's struggles? What's the difference in a problem with gossip and a problem with drug addiction? What's so hard to believe about a follower of Christ struggling with addiction? Is that unbelievable? We try to minimize our sin and point out others so maybe people wont see ours. Is it possible for a drug addict to get radically saved yet still have "side effects"? I think so. It takes years to build up addictions and when people aren't 100% changed overnight, we persecute them. And I'm asking how judgment is any less of a sin than getting high? (Understand that I'm not condoning sin, I just don't see why Christians place addiction as a sin that's above all others. Sin is sin. Period.)

I'm so stuck on the rawness right now. I'm asking God to allow me to see that kind of honesty and I'm getting it. It's a beautiful thing.

Fear of Man

2009-03-26T17:19:00.003+02:00

Last week's weather was absolutely beautiful. I was helping Somer move and we totally slacked off a couple days and got a blanket and laid out in the yard. The weather was too nice to pass up. Thank God we got all the moving and packing done... I'm not even sure how it all came together, but it did.

I know that I'm totally copying Somer's post, BUT God has put something so heavily on my heart lately that I had to write about it. The past couple weeks I've been thinking about fear. God's been showing me that I have more fear in my heart than I want to admit. Fear of stepping out into the unknown with God, fear of man, fear trusting people... lots of different stuff.

Let me first address fear of man. I do not want to be a woman who let's other people's opinions of me dictate how I live my life. But, I think a lot of times, I am. Last week, some friends and I met a woman who was getting a ride with someone but the guy kicked her out because she didn't have money to give him for gas. My two friends brought her inside, prayed with her, encouraged her and then gave her a ride themselves. The gentleness I saw that they had with this hurting woman touched my heart. I saw two crazy, Christian boys step out of their wordly comfort zone and speak truth and love to this woman. As I watched them interact with her, I asked myself if I was willing to do that. If I was willing to look weird in the world's eyes for my God. I've been asking myself this since that day last week. Their example of Jesus is exactly what I want to be. Their tangible love is what I want to give. That message of hope is what I want to offer the world. BUT when it all comes down to it, am I REALLY bold enough? God, I hope so.

Okay so now fear of stepping out into the unknown with God. Honestly, I think that this, for me, is intertwined with fear of man. Because I am not afraid of anything God could call me to do. I'm not. The more radical and crazy the better. But, I let myself second guess that passion because of fear of what my family or friends might say about me. I settle for comfortable and safe. I hate that. I hate that I can be so easily persuaded by the world. I want so badly to see Christians (including myself) have REAL relationships with each other. I want honestly and transparency. I want truth. I want to love and be loved in spite of failures. I want to be surrounded by followers of Christ who are admittedly struggling with issues in their lives but their hearts are desperate for Jesus. So many times we feel like we cannot be honest with each other because of judgement. So can we just stop? Stop judging each other and start loving each other? Please?

Psalm 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation:
Whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?

radical obedience

2009-03-13T19:07:00.006+02:00

I am captivated by Jesus. I'm so intrigued by His words. He is without a doubt, the most radical man that has ever walked this earth. Since doing my School of Biblical Studies last year, I have had an obsession with the gospels. I can't get enough. Lately, I've felt really compelled to meditate on the story of the rich young man (it's in Luke 18.18-30, Matthew 19:16-30 and Mark 19:17-30).

The following is from Luke 18:18-30

¹⁸An important man asked Jesus, "Good Teacher, what must I do to have eternal life?"

¹⁹Jesus said, "Why do you call me good? Only God is good. ²⁰You know the commandments: `Be faithful in marriage. Do not murder. Do not steal. Do not tell lies about others. Respect your father and mother.' "

²¹He told Jesus, "I have obeyed all these commandments since I was a young man."

²²When Jesus heard this, he said, "There is one thing you still need to do. Go and sell everything you own! Give the money to the poor, and you will have riches in heaven. Then come and be my follower." ²³When the man heard this, he was sad, because he was very rich.

²⁴Jesus saw how sad the man was. So he said, "It's terribly hard for rich people to get into God's kingdom! ²⁵In fact, it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to get into God's kingdom."

²⁶When the crowd heard this, they asked, "How can anyone ever be saved?"

²⁷Jesus replied, "There are some things that people cannot do, but God can do anything."

²⁸Peter said, "Remember, we left everything to be your followers!"

²⁹Jesus answered, "You can be sure that anyone who gives up home or wife or brothers or family or children because of God's kingdom ³⁰will be given much more in this life. And in the future world they will have eternal life."

I can't get those words out of my mind. "What must I do to inherit eternal life" is the question that the rich man asks Jesus. Jesus' response blows my mind. "Go and sell everything you own". Jesus doesn't beat around the bush. He doesn't sugar coat it for the rich man. He simply says "Hey, if you're serious about being my disciple, sell your stuff and give it to the needy then follow me." Obviously his possessions were an idol in his life because the rich man became sad and in the other gospels it states that "he became sad and walked away". So here's my question. What if I was the rich man and this is how Jesus responded to me. Would I follow Him? Would I be willing to give up everything I have to follow? AM I WILLING TO GIVE UP EVERYTHING I HAVE TO FOLLOW CHRIST? Are you? Think about it...

There's a book that I'm about to start reading. It's called "Under the Overpass". It's a book about a guy named Miked Yankoski. Mike was extraordinarily challenged by his pastor's sermon: Be the Christian you say you are. Mike was living a comfortable, upper-middle class life. He was attending a Christian college in California and spent much of his time reading about talking about God. "But we were created to be and do, and not merely to discuss", he writes. "The hypocrisy of my life troubled me". He felt he lacked a life of "radical, living obedience". He claimed he depended on Christ, but never put his claim to the test.

So, he set out with a traveling companion, Sam Purvis, to live like the homeless in six American cities. Mike wanted "to put my faith to the test alongside those who live with nothing every day". He set out to understand the life of the homeless and see how the Church responds. His book follows their five month journey, hearing stories of the homeless and constantly struggling to find food, a place to sleep, a bathroom and compassion.

Pep Rally for the Soul

2009-03-12T17:37:00.004+02:00

God is absolutely messing up my life... and it's FABULOUS. I feel like I have a been to a pep rally for my soul. Something in me feels different... stronger, more excited. I feel like I've fallen in love again.

Last night God blew my mind at the house church that Somer and I started going to. Music helps me feel connected to God's heart. Music puts me in a place of focus and reverence. Last night as we sang "Fire Fall Down", I saw God move so mightily in that room. As we sang praises to our God, I looked around the room and saw people crying, dancing, praying, SHOUTING, and laughing... It's just that when you encounter the Spirit of God there's a feeling a joy and freedom that is incomprehensible. There's a feeling of love and gratitude that is mystifying. And that's how I felt. The words that kept playing over and over in my mind were JOY and FREEDOM.

^"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty (emancipation from bondage, freedom)." 2 Corinthians 3:17

" ⁴³Everyone was amazed by the many miracles and wonders that the apostles worked. ⁴⁴All the Lord's followers often met together, and they shared everything they had. ⁴⁵They would sell their property and possessions and give the money to whoever needed it. ⁴⁶Day after day they met together in the temple. They broke bread together in different homes and shared their food happily and freely, ⁴⁷while praising God. Everyone liked them, and each day the Lord added to their group others who were being saved. " Acts 2:43-47

This is something that we talked about at church last night, and to me, this is one of the most inspiring, beautiful passages of scripture I've ever read. What would this world look like if we, as Christians, modeled our behavior after the early church?? They saw miracles, they shared EVERYTHING they had, they had fellowship together, they praised God, everyone liked them and EACH DAY they saw people's come to know Jesus. To them, it wasn't just a "Sunday" thing. This was their life, day after day. Desperate to see His kingdom come on the earth. This leaves me in complete awe.

These are the lyrics to "Fire Fall Down". It's song #1 on my play list. Listen to the lyrics. Read the lyrics. What would it look like if we meant the words to this song? "These hands are yours, teach them to serve where you please " "Your fire fall down on us, we pray" "show me your heart" "show me your way" "show me your glory"

"Fire Fall Down" -Hillsong United
Cause I know that you're alive
You came to fix my broken life
And I'll sing to glorify
Your Holy name, Jesus Christ

You bought my life with the blood
That you shed on the cross
When you died for the sins of men
And you let out a cry, crucified
Now alive in me

These hands are yours
Teach them to serve
As you please and I'll reach out
Desperate to see all the greatness of God
May my soul rest assured in you

I'll never be the same
No I'll never be the same
Cause I know that you're alive
You came to fix my broken life
And I'll sing to glorify
Your Holy name, Jesus Christ

You've changed it all
You broke down the wall
When I spoke and confessed
In you I am blessed
Now I walk in the light
In victorious sight of you

Fire fall down
Fire fall down
On us we pray
As we seek
Fire fall down
Your fire fall down
On us we pray

Show me your heart
Show me your way
Show me your glory

Experiencing God in a Freezing Cold Coffee Lounge

2009-03-05T18:00:00.004+02:00

Last night, Somer and I decided to step out of our comfort zones a little bit and went to a new church with about 25 other college aged kids that we did not know. Thank God I did, because I experienced God in that crowded, freezing cold room so deeply that I can honestly say that God shook me to my core.

His presence was more real in that room than I've experience in quite some time. His love was so incredibly thick and tangible that the only way I know how to explain it is that the power of His perfect love felt like there was a heaviness in my lungs. Everything in me was just completely focused on Christ... encompassed by His love.

It was a beautiful, monumental sight to see young people step up and wait on God and be 100% led by His Spirit. Not playing songs that they felt would have an impact, not saying words that they felt would impress... solely relying on the Holy Spirit to lead the entire night. There was intense intercession and prayer that I've NEVER seen in a church.

And the PEOPLE... there was a sincerity and a realness in them that I've been perpetually longing to see. These people were there to fellowship with the creator of the universe. They were desperate to know Jesus intimately. And in that place, you couldn't help but be sucked into the presence of God and be broken before Him. To worship God, totally uninhibited. I have been praying for while that I'd feel a sense of belonging and peace and that I'd be able to meet followers of Christ with hearts like mine. I've been begging God for Christian friends. I've been pleading with God for the connection that I felt last night.

God is faithful and He is good. Not just sometimes good, or sometimes faithful... ALWAYS. I am so grateful for these young Christians who are on fire for God and who want to impact the world for Him. I feel like I have a new respect for my generation.

Last night this song played over and over in my head. I could not get this song out of my mind. And when I woke up this morning it was still there...

"Your love is extravagant" -Casting Crowns

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place
Cause Your love is extravagant

Chorus:
Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place
Your love is extravagant

Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate

"She Is Mine" -Melissa Barber

2009-03-02T11:08:00.011+02:00

This post is dedicated to a great friend of mine named Melissa. She was one of my students in Durban. Immediately after meeting her I felt a connection to her. Melissa is so desperate for God. She is literally one of the most incredible, passionate, beautiful people I've ever met in my life. She has the biggest heart and God's blessed her with some INCREDIBLE talent. Melissa will change the world. She's played a really big role in my life in the half a year that I've known her. Melissa, I have crazy amounts of respect for you and I love you to death. Okay, watch this video of her's... (the song she's singing in the video she wrote and she made this video)

"How He Loves"

2009-03-02T10:27:00.003+02:00

This song just... it does something to me in my spirit... these lyrics are so intense that every single time i hear this song, i get goosebumps. Please watch the video too. Kim Walker rocks this song.

"How He Loves" -Kim Walker

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

He loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

[Whispered]: Well, I thought about You the day Stephen died and You met me between my breaking
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony
...they want to tell me You're cruel
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause...[voice breaks]...

Cause He loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

Hope in a Pick-up Truck.

2009-02-26T07:34:00.006+02:00

I've wanted to post something for the past 2 days. I have been searching for the right words though. I'm not too sure that I found them, but I'll give it a try...

I am so grateful how God blesses my heart in the most unique, beautiful way. Everything you're about to read is true...

There's someone in my life that I love... a lot. The problem is that his drug addiction has held him prisoner in his own body for many years. He's young... not quite 30. I have personally seen God miraculously intervene and save his life repeatedly. I believe with complete confidence that God has an enormous plan for this his life. I know it. I've been trusting God for a breakthrough in his life for a really long time now. And praise God, I believe it happened a couple days ago...

This person missed his bus for a very important job interview. Because he missed his bus, he would have to walk 8 miles to the interview and he had only an hour or so. Let's put two and two together... impossible. Half a mile into this man's walk to get to his interview, a random truck honks his horn. He keeps walking, not recognizing the truck. One mile later, the truck pulls next to him and a man inside says to my friend: "Hey there. Do you need something? Can I help you with something?" My friend, surprised, says "Well, yes sir. I missed my bus... I'm trying to make it to my interview. I'm not sure that I'm going to make it. Could you maybe take me to the bus stop in town?" This random stranger says to my friend, "Actually I can take you all the way to your interview. Hop in." This stranger explains to my friend that God told him to stop. He was the guy that had honked a mile back. God told him to ask my friend if he needed anything. This stranger talked me my friend about Jesus... he didn't PREACH about Jesus, he just talked nonchalantly. This stranger encouraged my friend. And my friend was deeply touched, because a random man was completely obedient to God. This stranger's act of kindness and his words were EXACTLY what my friend needed, and God knew that.

This friend came over a few days ago and shared his heart with me and that story. He said that when the bus passed by, such an anger stirred up in his heart and he got so angry at God... he told God that he was truly TRYING to turn his life around and now his chance at a job was lost when that bus drove by. But God, with his perfect knowledge, decided to bless this random stranger and my dear friend. This simple act of kindness was exactly what my friend needed to give him some hope... hope in God, and hope in the humanity of others. These were my friend's exact words, "Kristen, it was like he was an angel. He was my angel God sent to help me." He then went on to tell me that he is truly making an effort to break free from this addiction. He told me that one day he wants to see God use him to minister to other people struggling with addiction. I'm trusting God to see that happen. I believe that my God is bigger than any addiction.

How often are we obedient to God when He asks us to do things that do not make sense? How often do we ignore God when he tells us to show love to others. I've posted before about showing the love of Christ, and that's exactly what that stranger did. I bet my friend will remember that man for a long, long time to come. What a good reflection of Jesus! So I want to truly encourage you to be obedient to however God tells you to love someone (even if that "someone" is a stranger walking along the side of the road). Be attentive and obedient to God.

So, who ever you are, you stranger in a brown dodge... THANK YOU. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea the impact that you've made. Thank you so much for your obedience. God bless you. Seriously.

Oh, and by the way, my friend DID get the job! God's so rad.

25 Honest and Bizarre Things about Me

2009-02-24T07:45:00.003+02:00

1) When I was a kid I wanted a pet monkey so terribly bad. I would pray that my parents would buy me one. Every Christmas, I'd wonder where the box with my monkey was. I knew it had to be somewhere and they were just hiding it from me.

2) If I could do anything, I'd throw some essentials into backpack and travel the world. I'd absolutely never settle down... I'd never own a house or a car or do the "normal" stuff. I would roam around finding beauty in every little nook and cranny of the world.

3) Facebook is the only way I stay in contact with all of my friends from all over the globe, but I admit that I spend more time than necessary on it. I love it and hate it all at the same time.

4) I peed my pants in 3rd grade. Actually it was a dress. I told my teacher I had to go to the bathroom but she wouldn't let me so... it just happened.

5) I cheated for the first time in 2nd grade on a vocab quiz. I haven't ever told anyone that. The cheating got worse and I ended up cheating my way through high school. I think I only read one "required" book in high school. For some reason people just let me copy off of them...

6) I seriously love art. I could spend days wandering around an art museum. Art just captivates me. I am really pushing myself to tap back into my creativity. I especially love photography. I'd love to take classes and get more serious about photography.

7) Writing and music are my two escapes. I write all kinds of crazy nonsense. If anyone ever read my journal I'd be mortified. My whole life I've hidden my journal. Literally hidden it... like in a hiding space in my room. It's probably the only place that I express exactly how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking. I write my prayers to God in it and I write His responses. It's where I confess anything and everything. (Now do you see why I hide it?) And music has the power to calm and excite me at the same time. I love researching new artists and finding rad new bands.

8) When I was 17 I got a ticket for not wearing a seat belt. I tried to argue with the officer that wearing a seat belt was optional. I honestly didn't know it was a LAW that you had to buckle up. Click it or ticket, right? (I secretly hate when people say that)

9) I have a love/hate relationship with the south. South Carolina is beautiful and the mountains are stunning, HOWEVER, I'm just not a "southern girl". I do love southern food and the casualness of the south. I'm really not a fan of the southern accent. I've lived in South Carolina for 11 years and I've been fighting that accent all 11 of those years. I can usually manage to suppress it. For the past 11 years I've felt a bit of an identity crisis living in the south and I've known for years that I just don't belong here.

10) Up until recently, I've always had closer guy friends than girl friends. I always seemed to click better with boys. They were just so chill and so much less vain. They didn't gossip, they weren't fake, and there was always so much less drama. I've been learning how to be friends with girls. And let me tell you, now that I'm outta high school, I've realized that girls aren't so bad after all.

11) I'm extremely open. There's not too much that I won't tell you about myself if you ask. I like digging deep into the issues that most Christians are afraid to touch because they might get a little dirt on their hands.

12) I do not understand God. I never will. I understand THINGS about God, but trust me... I DO NOT understand Him. But I'm okay with that. I'll never "get" Him. He's just too massive for that. My brain cannot even begin to comprehend His love and grace. He's mysterious, quirky, funny and absolutely beautiful. I adore Him.

13) I'm scared to death of heights. I will never bungee jump or sky dive, even though I wonder what it would feel like. Someone would have to drug me for that to ever happen.

14) I broke my foot in South Africa. I was running in my yard like a lunatic and the rain had washed away a lip in the grass right where it connected with the pavement of the driveway. So as I was running, I kicked the pavement and then twisted my ankle and fell. I had to crawl around to my front door and then crawl up the front stairs. I was laughing and crying at the same time. My foot turned black and blue for more than a month... possibly because I tried to walk on it like everything was normal.

15) I have 6 piercings and 1 tattoo. My mother pierced my ears when I was 2 months old because everyone kept calling me a boy. I got my second hole pierced when I was in 8th grade. Nose pierced in 2006 and lip pierced in 2008. I pierced my belly button in high school but was terrified that my dad would kill me so I took it out soon after (surprise Mom and Dad!). I got my tattoo a week after my 18th birthday in October 2004. More tattoos to come...

16) I have sleep issues. Most nights I force myself to go to bed around 3 am. I just don't get tired before that. Also I seem to not be able to turn my brain off... I just lay there and think rather than sleep.

17) I'm passionate about human rights. Like really passionate... don't ask me questions about it unless you want me to talk your ear off. I want a career that has something to do with human rights.

18) The whole marriage and starting a family thing terrify me. I'm happy with my little darling Mia who's 3 now. The two of us make a fantastic team. She's all I need. For me, life's easier without a boyfriend. (However, if I'm being 100% honest, my biggest reason for not wanting a romantic relationship is fear. Fear of heartbreak. Fear of disappointment. Fear of being abandoned. Fear of failure.)

19) I really do love who I've become over the past 22 years. I love standing out and being different. I honestly don't want to be like "everyone else". I want to be Kristen... no one else. It's taken me years and years to get to this point.

20) I am not a romantic girl. Don't take me out on a fancy date with flowers and candles and all that jazz, just take me to a chill coffee shop where there's a live band and where we can talk.

21) One 4th of July, when I was 7, some kid hooked me in the lip with a fishing hook and I had to be rushed to the hospital to get it removed. I still have a scar.

22) I bite my nails and the skin around my nails. I've done it for as long as I can remember. Drives most people nuts, especially my mom. The moment I'm bored, or stressed or nervous, my hands fly straight to my mouth.

23) I love physical quirks. Freckles, moles, birthmarks, gaps in teeth, scars, stretchmarks... there are few things more beautiful to me than a body with stories to tell.

24) I cry. Often, and a lot. Books, articles, commercials, photos, TV, movies. I feel things deeply. Sometimes I think I feel them too deeply, but I don't think I would change it even if I could. I like that part of me.

25) I love tape and stickers. If there's anything around me with some sort of sticker I can peel off and play with, I will. Buy me a roll of Scotch tape and I'll be happy for a long time. I love the way it feels for some weird reason.

My Interpretation of "The Stand"

2009-02-23T06:12:00.004+02:00

I'm gonna pick this song apart and share some thoughts with you. I'm so sorry that this turned out so long... This is by far one of my favorite songs. These lyrics are beautiful. It's song #8 on my play list.

Hillsong United
"The Stand"

You stood before creation
Eternity in your hand
And you spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand
You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart oh God
Completely to you

So I walk upon salvation
Your spirit alive in me
This life to declare your promise
My soul now to stand

So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
So I'll stand
My soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours

"You stood before creation
Eternity in your hand
And you spoke the earth into motion"

Dude, God is huge. I just close my eyes and try to imagine MY God creating the universe by SPEAKING it into existence. MY God is the creator of the universe. The crazy thing is that even before creation, MY God was there. (Now that's a strange thought, isn't it??)

"You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon your shoulders"

MY Jesus, who took upon MY failures, and the failures of the entire world and nailed to them to the cross. I wonder if we realize what that actually looks like and what that actually meant and what that must have actually felt like to Christ. MY Jesus took every single sin of every single person upon HIMSELF. I no longer have to be ashamed of my sinful past because it's done. Jesus paid the price already. (A friend shared the following with me and I thought it was beautiful and I couldn't have put it better myself):

God became His broken creation. He humbled Himself as Jesus, and Jesus humbled himself to washing the feet of sinners. How beautiful is that? We will never understand His love for us, but the mystery of it is the most beautiful thing in the world (I think the mystery makes it that much more beautiful)

"So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart oh God
Completely to you"

This should be our response to God. This is how I try, and WANT to respond to Him every day. But what does it look like to offer EVERY part of you to God... COMPLETELY? That sounds dangerous... it sounds exciting... it sounds scary... it sounds impossible... And it is hard to follow Him completely. It's not easy (and anyone who says it is is a liar) because the Bible says that what the flesh wants is opposed to the spirit. (Galatians ^{5:16 & 17 -} If you are guided by the Spirit, you won't obey your selfish desires. The Spirit and your desires are enemies of each other. They are always fighting each other and keeping you from doing what you feel you should.) So of course we don't FEEL like being completely submitted to God 24 hours a day, because that sinful nature inside of us wants to go against the Spirit.

"So I walk upon salvation
Your spirit alive in me
This life to declare your promise"

So, MY God is the Creator of the universe, and the Savior of the world... but there's more... By excepting HIS salvation and LIFE, I get to receive HIS Spirit. His Spirit is in ME. (I find this verse astounding):

Romans 8:11 The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.

Back to the song again. The last line here is key. Don't miss this... it reminds me that Christianity isn't just an "internal" thing. Following Jesus means more than praying before meals and having a quiet time... it's also about DECLARING. It's about sharing with others what God's done in your life. Do we do that often enough? Unfortunately I don't think so. It might be "uncomfortable" or "awkward", right...?

Mark 8:38- Don't be ashamed of me and my message among these unfaithful and sinful people! If you are, the Son of Man will be ashamed of you when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.

Um... so, basically, evangelism isn't a negotiable thing. Are you a follower of Christ? Then tell others about what Jesus has done in your life. If you find that "uncomfortable", I'd ask myself why. (NOTE: Understand that I'm preaching to myself. Forcing myself to step out of my "fleshly comfort zone" is HARD work. I don't want it to be hard; I want it to come naturally and that's something I've been working on.)

Speaking of preaching, I think that's what I'm now doing so I'm stopping myself. I think it runs in the family... ;)

Heart for South Africa.

2009-02-19T07:18:00.009+02:00

I'm writing a paper about South Africa (facts on the country as well as what I experienced). While I was typing it up, some things were so heavy on my heart that I felt like I should share them with you. So, this post is dedicated to a country that's near and dear to my heart... South Africa.

There are many strongholds in South Africa. I believe that one of the reason for this is because the enemy sees the potential of the South African people and he's terrified. Satan is a liar, and a manipulator. Rape and HIV/AIDS are just a couple strongholds that are holding back South Africans. I hate to just mention negative things in this post, because there are wonderful things going on too, but these statistics are not just statistics to South Africans, this is their reality. Please fight the urge get sad and feel discouraged by this post... I pray that instead of feeling sorry for them, you'd get angry at what Satan is doing to them. Ask God for HIS heart for South Africa. Please be praying for this country.

Ephesians 10:12- "We are not fighting against humans. We are fighting against forces and authorities and against rulers of darkness and powers in the spiritual world." (Contemporary English Version)

HIV/AIDS.

South Africa is currently experiencing one of the most severe AIDS epidemics in the world. At the end of 2007, there were approximately 5.7 million people living with HIV in South Africa, and almost 1,000 AIDS deaths occurring every day.

The median income for Blacks and mixed race can be as low as $300/year, and the cost for AIDS drugs average $40 to $50 per month, clearly out of reach for a large majority of the population.

Almost 25% of all South African children under age 15 had lost at least one parent to AIDS. (in 2005)

In 2005, there were 240, 000 children living with HIV in South Africa and as a result of the disease, there were 1, 200, 000 AIDS orphans.

Rape.

"It is a fact that a woman born in South Africa has a greater chance of being raped, than learning how to read." If that statement doesn't break the heart of God, then I don't know what does.

Rape, including child rape, is increasing at shocking rates in South Africa. Sexual violence against children, including the raping of infants, has increased 400% over the past decade.

The raping of infants and/or children may also be due to the belief that sex with a child or baby will cure AIDS. A number of high profile baby rapes since 2001 (including the fact that they required extensive reconstructive surgery to rebuild urinary, genital, abdominal, or tracheal systems) increased the need to address the problem socially and legally. In 2001, a 9-month-old baby was raped by six men, aged between 24 and 66, after the infant had been left unattended by her teenage mother. A 4-year-old girl died after being raped by her father. A 14-month-old girl was raped by her two uncles. In February 2002, an 8-month-old infant was reportedly gang raped by four men. One has been charged (McGreal, 2001). The infant has required extensive reconstructive surgery. The 8-month-old infant's injuries were so extensive, increased attention on prosecution has occurred.

Various cultural beliefs in South Africa regarding rape hinder the problem of decreasing and reporting rape. It is difficult to impossible for a woman to say no to sex. Many girls and women believe that if they know the boy or it is a boyfriend who rapes them, they cannot say no to sex, even forcible sex. Many men believe they are entitled to sex or even believe that women enjoy being raped.

Isaiah 58:6-I'll tell you what it really means to worship the LORD. Remove the chains of prisoners who are chained unjustly. Free those who are abused!

Psalm 140:12- Our LORD, I know that you defend the homeless and see that the poor are given justice.

contentment. babies. bear grylls.

2009-02-10T21:34:00.005+02:00

Alright...

Right now, I'm learning to be content. I'm learning to thank God for where He has brought me NOW... today. But that doesn't mean that I need to be sitting on my bum waiting for something to fall out of the sky for my next "step" in life. I dunno... I've been praying and applying and although I have more of a sense of peace in my heart, not much physically has changed. I still have no definite options. I still have no green light. I still have no clear direction. But I'm grateful for today. I'm grateful that I have this time with my family and friends because I'll never get THIS time back. I'm learning more and more about what it means to trust God to provide for me and give me clarity. I think I've been focusing too much on the negative things and not enough on the positive.

ALSO, I'm learning about forgiveness. Something somewhat mortifying happened to me this week. I felt really responsible for the painful ending of a relationship and I felt like I owed this person an apology and a slight explanation. Am I the only person in the world that finds saying the words "I'm sorry" excruciating?? Man, that's the pride in me. It's so hard for me to admit when I'm wrong and apologize... but I DID IT! And I feel so much better. Although I felt embarrassed and a little lame for having to do it, I feel a lot more relief now. I feel like I can finally get closure from that chapter in my life.

It seems like everyone I know is having babies or getting married. Is it something in the air?? I sure hope not... :) I can't believe it. But it seems like that's how it usually goes. When one person gets pregnant, EVERYONE else does too.

My grandparents are here for the day. They're heading back home (Virginia) from Florida. They got here late last night and are leaving early tomorrow morning. It's good to see them though.

Alright, let's talk music....

I have a literal obsession with City and Colour thanks to my friend Nick. Dallas Green is the lead singer and he's a GENIUS! Check them out... I actually have a few songs on my little music player thingy. Check out songs # 4, 23, 33, 58, 59 and 66. You won't be disappointed and if you are... then you have no taste in music. (KIDDING!)

Now movies....

Well I saw "He's just not that into you" with my small group girls on Friday. I really liked it. Parts were slightly depressing... but an overall good movie.

Also, I saw the movie "Taken" like 3 months ago while in South Africa and really liked it... now I saw a preview for it and realized that it just came out here! Weird. Good movie.

And finally TV Shows...

I'm 100% in love with Man vs Wild! Bear Grylls... there are no words... what a beautiful man. haha. Anyway, YES!... I totally have a crush on a man who eats bugs and drinks blood as his career. Go figure.

I haven't missed one episode of "The Bachelor" this season either. A little embarrassing to admit, but I really like that show! My favorite girl is Melissa. Hope she wins.

Spring Cleaning of the Heart

2009-02-09T08:06:00.004+02:00

"Fire Fall Down" -Hillsong United

You bought my life with the
Blood that You shed on the cross
When You died for the sins of men
And You let out a cry
Crucified now alive in me

These hands are Yours
Teach them to serve as You please
And I'll reach out desperate to see
All the greatness of God
May my soul rest assured in You

I'll never be the same
No I'll never be the same

Cause I know that You're alive
You came to fix my broken life
And I'll sing to glorify
Your Holy Name
Jesus Christ

You changed it all
You broke down the wall
When I spoke and confessed
In You I'm blessed
Now I walk in the light
In victorious sight of You

Your fire fall down
Fall down
On us we pray
As we seek

Show me Your heart
Show me Your way
Show me Your glory

I had an enlightening conversation with Christina earlier. She's my voice of reason most of the time. She has a way of giving me a reality check and pushing me to discover truth for myself. I love her dearly. So, Christina thank you for our talks.

Oh and also wanna give my dad some well deserved recognition for his incredible message today. I am so proud of you Daddy. I really am. There's no way I could ever have the strength and guts to do what you do. You're incredible. (Check out some of his messages... http://foothillscc.org/archives.htm)

"Lead Me to the Cross" -Hillsong United

Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemptions hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

You were as I
Tempted and tried
Human
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart

God's doing some intense spring cleaning in my heart right now
...and it's really painful...
but I know it's necessary.

Total Randomness.

2009-02-05T07:54:00.016+02:00

Yay! I finally am posting pictures from our vacation
in Florida! Mia looks so OLD! I cannot believe she'll be 3 in less than 3 weeks.

I went to bed Tuesday night feeling really nauseous. Throwing up is a huge fear for me... I remember as a kid throwing up and being unable to catch my breath and feeling like I was going to choke to death on my own vomit. (gross, I know...) So anytime I get nauseous, I get a little panicky. I woke up at around 6 am in a fluster and ran to the bathroom. Sure enough, I have this dumb stomach virus that Mia had. So I spent a lovely 30 minutes in the bathroom vomiting repeatedly. Most of my day yesterday was spent feeling gross and laying on the couch with Mia while she watched Sponge Bob. Even as I type this I still feel a little nauseous but much better than earlier. And because I was sick, I had to miss out on Bible study. Bleh...

Here's something exciting... my students had their graduation today! I'm so proud of all of them. It was hard because I wasn't there to celebrate with them and hug them goodbye one last time. I feel privileged to meet each one of them, and in some way or another, each one of them has had an impact of my life. I'm so grateful for the experience.

Tomorrow all the girls in my Bible study are going to see a movie and then having a sleep over! I'm really excited. It's gonna be so nice to have some quality girl time.

The other day, I was trying to get some cute pictures of Mia. But every time I took a picture of her, she would close here eyes. Finally, after about 20 pictures, I said "Mia, baby, please can you open your eyes?" She goes "Ohhh sorry Mommy!" Then she did this.... And she really wasn't trying to be funny, she was just trying to figure out how to keep her eyes open in the picture. I have dozens of these.... haha

I just realized how utterly random this post is... but whatever.

Less_ , More_

2009-02-03T06:41:00.007+02:00

less whining, more thanking
less selfishness, more selflessness
less discouragement, more encouragement
less timidness, more boldness
less attitude, more kindness
less judgment, more love
less passivity, more passion
less anger, more peace
less fake, more genuine
less lies, more truths
less envy, more gratefulness
less disdain, more respect
less intolerance, more patience
less apathy, more willingness
less talk, more action
less profane, more sacred
less unforgiveness, more grace
less injustice, more equality
less doubt, more faith
less rebellion, more obedience
less corruption, more innocence
less arguing, more agreeing
less self-indulgence, more self-control

This week, I'm obsessing over....

movies:
"Slumdog Millionaire". Incredible movie. Go watch it. Forreal.

music:
"Volcano" -Damien Rice
"Sideways" -Citizen Cope
"More Than Life" -Hillsong United
"Wedding Dress" -Derek Webb

scripture:
I'm clinging onto....
"Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you." James 4:8
"Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel" Philippians 4:6-7

fear of birds and more...

2009-02-01T17:25:00.002+02:00

I'm a slacker! I cannot believe how this week has slipped by. I so upset that I've waited until now to write a blog, but it is what it is.

So we made it home this past Monday after a short one and a half hour plane ride. I will say however, that I was so stinking scared to fly with all this bird drama. I was just picturing myself crashing to my death because of some birds. It was the first time I've been anxious about flying... ever. But I obviously survived. Thank God.

On Friday, Mia and I spent the day in Greenville with a good friend of mine and her little baby boy. Mia was fascinated with the baby. It was nice to go and do a little shopping (unfortunately it was kind of unsuccessful for me) and enjoy some killer Mexican food at Don Pablo's.

Our family celebrated my brother, Rick's 29th birthday on Friday night. His birthday was actually yesterday though. We had dinner at Copper River ALL TOGETHER, which was pretty cool. It's not often that we're all together.

On a grosser note, Mia was throwing up all throughout the night. Vomit is the hardest thing for me to deal with. It makes me nauseous to think about it let alone clean it up. However last night was kind of different. Although it sucked cleaning it up all 10 times she threw up, my heart went out to her. It sucks to be sick. She was so pitiful. We just kept praying together and cuddling. To my surprise she was upset and a little emotional and angry at the fact that she threw up on her pj's. Poor thing. She's still throwing up today.

This week I've been looking at colleges and missions organizations and putting in some applications. I feel good about one in particular but I don't want to give details about anything until I get more clarity and hear back about my applications. Just please be praying that this next step works out how it's supposed to.

the end of a great vacation

2009-01-25T06:16:00.003+02:00

Well, my fabulous time in Florida is coming to an end. I leave on Monday afternoon. I'm so grateful for such an amazing family. My grandparents are really great people. They have incredibly generous hearts and I absolutely love them to death. The past two weeks have been such a great time of reconnecting for us. It's been so wonderful.

So, that means come Monday, it's back to real life for me. Honestly I'm excited though. I'm SO ready to get on with whatever God has in store for me next. I feel like I'm ready to get the next phase in my life started. Unfortunately I'm not sure what that looks like yet, but there's been a bit of clarity and a light at the end of the tunnel... I think. ;)

At the moment I'm completely obsessed with the song "Whatever You're Doing" by Sanctus Real. The lyrics are so powerful....

"Whatever You're Doing" -Sanctus Real

It's time for healing. Time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what's been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
If feels like chaos but now
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

It's time to fix up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

Relationships.

2009-01-21T06:02:00.004+02:00

Thank God for relationships. I have some amazing friends that I'm eternally grateful for. Unfortunately they're spread out all over the world, which is why I'm so thankful for cell phones, facebook and skype which keeps us linked together.

So, what is it in us that's so desperate for relationships? Why do we crave fellowship?

Let's take a look at Genesis and see what God has to say about relationships. Let's start with Adam and his relationship with God before the fall. God creates Adam and says it's good; very good to be precise (Genesis 1:31). So God and Adam have this perfect, harmonious relationship. Man and God are in PERFECT relationship. No sin. It's just Adam and God. But then God says something that literally astounds me. Check Genesis 2:18: The LORD God said, "It isn't good for the man to live alone". Listen to what God's saying! He's saying that the relationship they have isn't enough. Even in unblemished relationship with God, there was something lacking. It's like God is saying to Adam, "Listen, I've created you for relationships. I've created you with a vacancy that only another human being call fill". God was essentially saying that He wasn't enough. Wow. Almost sounds like I'm not supposed to be saying that. But it's true! God wanted more for Adam. He wanted him to have relationships with other human beings. God created us with this innate desire for relationship. It's his design for us and it's absolutely beautiful.

Which makes me wonder this: Is it right to spend 100 hours a week with your face in your Bible and devote nothing to relationships with others? Is that spiritual? Is that what God intended for us? Because I think he wants us to be pouring into each other, being completely sincere and accountable to each other. I think he wants us to befriend people society would normally overlook; to show compassion and love in every relationship. PLEASE do not get me wrong. I'm not saying that quiet times and reading your Bible are unimportant. I just think it's a combined effort. Can't have Jesus and lack relationships with others, yet can't have relationships with others and lack Jesus. Both are extremely important. Treasure Jesus, treasure relationships.

to do list for '09

2009-01-20T05:59:00.004+02:00

Okay so I know it's well past January 1st, but I've been doing some thinking. I made a list of things that I want to do in 2009. I don't know that I'd call these things my "resolutions" though... just things that I really want to do. Here goes:

1) put more effort into really connecting with old friends
2) bake more
3) blog more
4) start collecting something
5) spend more QUALITY time with Jesus
6) read through the gospels at least 5 more times, wrestling with the text and APPLYING it.
7) put myself out there more; meet new people
8) listen to some new bands
9) start to learn a new language
10) spend more quality time with family
11) travel
12) watch less tv
13) read more
14) do at least two random acts of kindness every day
15) every day, tell someone that i love them
16) be more encouraging
17) get to bed earlier
18) go through my closet and get rid of everything I haven't worn in the past month
19) live with less
20) bless others more
21) be more consistent... especially with intercession
22) grow my hair out then donate it (always wanted to do that, never have)
23) spend less money
24) experience at least one other culture
25) get another tattoo
26) return to Africa
27) try different foods
28) worry less about what people think
29) keep it simple
30) take more pictures
31) watch more sunsets and sunrises
32) laugh more
33) try to see the beauty in everything
34) watch the news/ read the newspaper more
35) serve people
36) talk less- do more
37) volunteer more
38) close my mouth and open my ears and heart
39) be a shoulder to cry on
40) love more... completely uninhibited
41) get more sleep
42) hug someone every day (other than Mia)

He fulfills promises

2009-01-17T06:12:00.002+02:00

We spend our lives trying to make sense of God... trying to understand Him. He moves in completely unexpected and unpredictable ways. I mean look at Abraham. God made a covenant with Abraham. He made a promise that He would bless Abraham and that his descendants would be as numerous as the stars in the sky and that they would be a great nation. I can picture Abraham: full of hope and faith; knowing that His God was a God who fulfilled promises. But then the unexpected happened... God was silent. Things didn't quickly fall into place like Abraham thought they would. God didn't move immediately. Instead, all Abraham was left with was a barren, contemptuous wife and a pitch black sky filled with millions of radiant stars which represented this seemingly impossible covenant.

But, in His own timing, in His own way... God moved. He fulfilled this incredible promise.

Wait... so what is a covenant? It's a one-way agreement where the covenanter (God) is the only party bound by the promise. Consequentially, the only party that can break a covenant is the covenanter. Did you catch that? God made this covenant with Abraham which meant that this was set in stone... done. no Indian giving. This promise could NOT be taken back. Amazing! YET... because of the unpredictability of the Lord and the way He chooses to move, Abraham ended up doubting God and He and Sarah tried to take matters into their own hands, resulting in a huge fiasco.

The same lessons apply for us today. It all begins with faith. Genesis 15:6 says that Abraham's faith was accounted to his as righteousness. But Abraham's downfall was his impatience. He wanted to see immediate results. He didn't want to wait. And when God didn't act instantaneously, Abraham decided He'd help God out. Also, God defies all odds. What is impossible with man is possible with God. There is nothing too big or too small for God.

Isaiah 55:8 & 9...

8The LORD says:
"My thoughts and my ways
are not like yours.
9Just as the heavens
are higher than the earth,
my thoughts and my ways
are higher than yours.

beautiful feet

2009-01-16T07:45:00.007+02:00

So here are a few quotes and things that I've been thinking about lately...

"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe."

“Grace isn't a little prayer you chant before receiving a meal. It's a way to live.”

"But in the brief time since Jesus went back to heaven, His invitation has morphed into something less. Much less. We've turned "go" and "spread" into complicated programs best left to missionaries and preachers. We've reduced "all the world" and "all creation" to just folks who walk through the front door at church, and we've shrunk the Good News to a shoft list of words that will save a soul from Hell. Isn't there more?!" -McKinley

Romans 10:13-15 (New Century Version)
13 as the Scripture says, "Anyone who calls on the Lord will be saved."
14 But before people can ask the Lord for help, they must believe in him; and before they can believe in him, they must hear about him; and for them to hear about the Lord, someone must tell them;15 and before someone can go and tell them, that person must be sent. It is written, "How beautiful is the person who comes to bring good news."

"Solution" -Hillsong:

It is not a human right

To stare not fight

While broken nations dream

Open up our eyes, so blind

That we might find

The Mercy for the need

Singing, Hey now

Fill our hearts with your compassion

Hey now

As we hold to our confession

Yeah

It is not too far a cry

To much to try

To help the least of these

Politics will not decide

If we should rise

And be your hands and feet

Singing, Hey now

Fill our hearts with your compassion

Hey Now

As we hold to our confession

Woah-oh-oh,

God be the solution

Woah-oh-oh

We will be Your hands and be Your feet.

Yeah, yeah

Higher than a circumstance

Your promise stands

Your love for all to see

Higher than protest line and dollar signs

Your love is all we need

Only You can mend the broken heart

And cause the blind to see

Erase complete the sinners past

And set the captives free

Only You can take the widows cry

And cause her heart to sing

Be a Father to the fatherless

Our Savior and our King

We will be Your hands, we will be Your feet

We will run this race

On the darkest place, we will be Your light

We will be Your light

We will be Your hands , we will be Your feet

We will run this race for the least of these

In the darkest place, we will be your light

We will be your light

We'll sing

Woah-oh-oh,

God be the solution

Woah-oh-oh

We will be Your hands and be Your feet.

Woah-oh-oh,

God be the solution

Woah-oh-ohWe will be Your hands and be Your feet.

Yeah, yeah

We will run we will run

We will run with the solution [2x]

We will be Your hands we will be Your feet

We will run this race for the least of these

In the darkest place we will be Your light

We will be Your light

We sing

I'm in Florida!

2009-01-12T05:09:00.002+02:00

I'm in Florida! Mia did seriously awesome in the car on the way here. She had a lot of fun sleeping at the hotel. She was excited to be sleeping somewhere new. She really impressed me. She loves that movie "Mamma Mia", so we listened to the soundtrack at least 5 times. But the trip was surprisingly easy and fast.

I'm LOVING the weather here. Upper 70's. Today we went to the beach for an hour or so. Mia had fun collecting shells and digging in the sand. She didn't want anything to do with the water though... too cold.

Anyway, I'll write a longer post hopefully tomorrow. Hope you had a great weekend!

some pet peeves....

2009-01-09T05:27:00.004+02:00

Okay so I've been home for a month. That's totally insane. It feels like I just got home yesterday. I miss you, South Africa.

So anyway, I'll be leaving for Florida in around 6 hours from now. I'm so glad that I came to Virginia and got to see all of my family here and now I'm really excited to go get warm in Florida and see my other set of grandparents. The trip is 17 hours so we'll be stopping at a hotel tomorrow night. Am I the only person that seriously enjoys staying in hotels? I really like it... makes me feel like a kid again. Hopefully Mia will be an ANGEL in the car tomorrow and Saturday. She usually does great in the car. Plus its a thousand times better than being squished in a hot bus for 21+ hours... (been there, done that). However, she's really not used to the whole car seat thing. A year without a car seat and now she has to be restrained in a car seat. haha. Too bad. Safety first right?

This is the most random post... So since it's almost 12:30 am and I'm bored and cannot sleep, here's a list of things that annoy me/ things that suck:

1.) When my jeans drag on the ground after it rains.

2.) When people leave a drop of milk/juice in the jug. Just finish it and THROW IT AWAY.

3.) unanswered texts.

4.) lingering hugs.

5.) disgusting, massive, flying cockroaches.

6.) when you're trying to have a conversation with someone and they're looking around/ texting.

7.) licorice.

8.) annoying people who talk too much when you're trying to fall asleep on the plane.

9.) small talk.

10.) overpriced stuff.

11.) apathetic people.

12.) not being able to fall asleep but being REALLY tired.

13.) spam.

14.) getting a splinter.

15.) when old people try to act like teenagers.

16.) automatic flushing toilets.

17.) people who do not replace a roll of toilet paper when they finish it up, then you realize that there's no toilet paper... when it's too late.

18.) telemarketers.

19.) not remembering your dream from the night before.

20.) misplacing my cell phone.

21.) dumb commercials... specifically heath care commercials.

22.) know it alls.

23.) legalism.

24.) cold jeans.

25.) getting butter/greasy nastiness on the top of your hand when reaching into a bag of popcorn. yucky.

26.) obnoxious people who talk REALLY loud on their cell phones in public.

27.) when people say "I'm on my way. I'll be there in 2 minutes", and half an hour later you're STILL waiting. (ahem...)

28.) Those chain letters that say "if you're really a Christian you'll pass this onto 10 other people" asseblief. Go away.

29.) awkward goodbyes... not knowing whether or not to hug someone or shake hands or none of the above.

30.) Pee on the toilet seat. gross.

31.) creepy old men.

32.) people who're completely obsessed with celebrities.

33.) sports channels/ sports news.

34.) when people feel the need to pick their nose right in front of me. and by people, I mean ADULTS. please please stop it.

35.) over drafting.

36.) watery eyes from cutting onions.

37.) when you use bleach and your hands smell like bleach for like 2 weeks straight.

38.) when you squeeze a lemon and completely forget that you have a cut on your hand. Oh the pain!

39.) not taking enough pictures on vacation and getting home and realizing it.

40.) WhEn PeOpLe TyPe LiKe ThIs!

41.) taking a big sip of milk and realizing it's already spoiled.

42.) when people "forget" about the messes they've made... such as leaving leftover dinner in the oven for at least 2 weeks and having living creatures residing in it. thank you whoever did that. I'll never forget that incident. disgusting.

43.) Hearing "MOMMY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" and banging on the bathroom door when trying to have 2 seconds of alone time to pee. ( :) oh the joys of motherhood!)

44.) touching nail polish that hasn't dried yet and smearing it everywhere.

45.) a stain on your favorite shirt.

46.) people who pick at their feet/ toe nails in front of me. please... don't.

47.) google ads. "free ipod" etc. riiiiiiight... nothing's FREE

48.) an unflushed public toilet. how hard is it to just flush??

49.) the Tyra Banks show. worst show in the history of the world...

50.) mosquitoes.

51.) people who can't take a joke.

52.) delayed flights.

Hmm... that felt really good. Glad to get that off my chest. What annoys you? Did I leave something out? ;) Goodnight!

This is me...

2009-01-07T02:43:00.023+02:00

So I thought it would be a good idea to tell you more about who I am and what I love. That's what this post is about....

I did my DTS with YWAM Orlando in September 2007. In December 2007, I went on an outreach to South Africa. I fell in love... with Africa and couldn't leave. I ended up staying a year. I just got home last month (December 2008). During the year that I was in South Africa, I did a 6 month Bible School (SBS) with YWAM Jeffrey's Bay, South Africa. After my SBS, I headed east to Durban and staffed the September 2008 DTS at YWAM Durban, South Africa. Most of my posts up until this point have been of my adventures and revelations in South Africa. At the moment I'm desperately seeking God for my next step. I have tons of crazy, exciting ideas but I'm really praying for clarity. My heart is broken for Africa. Missions is a huge part of my life.

Music is my true love. Something about hearing the perfect song at the perfect time... plus God really speaks to me through music. It is one of the things that I don't think I could live without.

I'm desperate to make a difference in the 10/40 window. I know that for the rest of my life I will be a missionary. What exactly that looks like though, I have no idea. God has put a true burden on my heart for the people in the 10/40 window... a burden that started over a year ago. For a while, I was trying to convince myself that the 10/40 window plan was completely insane. I had plenty of great reasons why that would be craziness, but in the past 2 months, this yearning in my heart has been growing stronger daily. I cannot deny it anymore. *There are over 3.6 billion unreached people in the world today. Of those 3.6 billion people, 88% live in or near the 10/40 window. It is estimated that only 4% of foreign missionaries today are working to reach these unreached people.*

I love people. I love people from all different backgrounds. I love hearing stories about people's journey's in life. I love people who're open and honest. I love people who have issues and are honest about them. I have ridiculous amounts of respect for Christians who can say: "Yes! I have struggles. I am not perfect. I do not have it all together." I just love genuine people. And isn't that what the world is after? More people who can just be real?

I'm a single mom. Being a mother is nothing short of amazing. It's also more challenging than I ever thought it would be. My daughter's name is Mia and she'll be turning 3 in February. She's the love of my life and I completely adore her. I cannot imagine my life without her nor would I want to.

I love the outdoors. I love sitting out on a dock and watching the sunset over the lake. Or maybe even better, I love watching the sunrise at 4:30 am with a great friend and a warm blanket. I love camping down at the river and laughing with old friends in front of a fire. I love summer time and being able to take a drive into the mountains and hike and check out some amazing waterfalls. I love the beach in Jeffrey's Bay-some of my best memories are of the breezy, 72 degree weather days when Christina and I would grab a sheet, a book and a bottle of grapetizer (it's a South African thing ;)) and lay out at the beach for hours on end.

Other randoms joys: {Chocolate-although I've gotten spoiled on Cadbury and now it's pretty much the only chocolate I like} {FRIENDS} {REAL coffee... not nescafe instant crap} {Meeting new people, especially other missionaries} {Laughing hysterically} {FAMILY} {Late night girl talk (every night for 7 months) with Christina} {reading} {Silliness} {Meeting people who inspire me by living radically for Jesus} {TRAVELING!!} { Rad times of worship and intercession} {Driving with the windows down} {Boiled Peanuts} {Movies}

Relaxin' in Virginia

2009-01-03T05:12:00.005+02:00

The date on that last post isn't right... I don't know why the date is messed up but anyway... I'm in Virginia freezing my butt off until January 9th. I came up here with my parents, Cole and Mia on Sunday. My parents and Cole left on Wednesday and I'm staying here and spending some time with my grandparents and relaxing. This is a TINY little town that I'm in. Other than a Food Lion down the road, the closest store is like 15 minutes away! Today was cold and rainy... I was really hoping to see snow, but it didn't happen. Cold weather is not pleasant when it's rainy and windy. Not to mention that Cole gave me his germs and now I'm coming down with a cold. This weather does nothing to help that. But other than being cold and getting my brother's germs, I'm doing wonderful. It's so so so good to see my grandparents and spend some time with them and get some much needed rest.

Mia seems especially old lately. I dunno she really seems to have grown up, even in the few weeks that we've been back home. She talks about as much as a 4 year old. Wonder where she gets that from?... She seems to be having a great time with my grandparents here in Virginia. She's not too keen on the cold weather though. Mia has an incredible memory; she's been telling stories of things she did in Durban and Jeffrey's Bay. She tells stories about things she's done or seen and she is constantly talking about her South African friends (or my friends rather). Almost every day she asks me "Mommy where is ____" and she'll ask a different person almost every day. But before I can answer her questions, she answers it herself like this: "OH! I know where _____ is! He's in Jbay!" Literally every day she talks about Christina (my best friend and roommate from Jeffrey's Bay). She talks about how we're all best friends and she informs me that Christina now lives in Michigan. :)
Anyway, other than relaxing and freezing, nothing much is going on. Man it feels good to say that! It's a good feeling knowing that I have absolutely no plans for a week... Hope y'all had a great Christmas and New Year!

just a bit of reflecting and dreaming...

2008-12-23T05:14:00.007+02:00

I've been a slacker. I've sat down dozens of times since I've been home, really wanting to write a blog but I've had trouble finding the words. However it's the beginning of a new year and I've been doing some reflecting on 2008 and dreaming about 2009 so here goes...

Well... I'm home (obviously) and I really didn't think I'd have a hard time getting adjusted. I knew it would be hard to leave all of my friends, and I knew it'd be a process learning to live with my parents (no offense to them! It's just that after I've lived away from home for so long... I've just gotten used to things a certain way). I can't really explain it. Things are just different. That being said... I'm an adapter. I am not in my element but for the time being, this is my home... I gotta just remember what I love about here. Looking around at how blessed I am, it's not hard to find things I love. I'm absolutely ecstatic to wake up every day and see my wonderful family. I've missed them tremendously.
But I have all these dreams and all this passion that if I don't do something with very soon I might just go a bit crazy. I have direction. I have goals. I have huge dreams that are not "normal" for a twenty-two year old, American woman. I want to be uncomfortable. I wanna be challenged. I wanna EXPERIENCE life to it's fullest. I wanna do things that at this point I've only dreamed of. I wanna give grace like I've never given it before. I wanna love others more than myself. Being radical for God is very very costly, but I know He's worth it.

I believe in people. I believe in enabling people to become world changers. I believe in restoration of lives... of communities. I believe in freedom. I believe in justice. I know what Jesus Christ has done in my own life and I want to do everything I can to tell people about how amazing my God is. I wanna sit down with people and hear their stories. I wanna hear about other people's journeys. I want to have an open ear and heart to people; to take the time to make people feel validated. I want to love others because Jesus loves them; because we're all worthy of love. I wanna TRULY love people. I'm currently learning what that looks like. I'm learning what it looks like to be like Christ. I fail... a lot, but I really am trying.

Isaiah 58:9-10 (contemporary version)
I'll tell you what it really means to worship the LORD. Remove the chains of prisoners who are chained unjustly. Free those who are abused! Share your food with everyone who is hungry; share your home with the poor and homeless. Give clothes to those in need; don't turn away your relatives. Then your light will shine like the dawning sun, and you will quickly be healed. Your honesty will protect you as you advance, and the glory of the LORD will defend you from behind. When you beg the LORD for help, he will answer, "Here I am!" Don't mistreat others or falsely accuse them or say something cruel. Give your food to the hungry and care for the homeless. Then your light will shine in the dark; your darkest hour will be like the noonday sun.

HOME!!!!

2008-12-11T16:35:00.005+02:00

We're home!!! After about 30 hours of traveling, we finally made it back home. Mia did pretty good on the plane; she slept a good bit. I had a really hard time sleeping though and I'm still pretty tired. Jet lag this time has been a bit tougher than I thought. I'm exhausted at night and then wake up all throughout the night. Mia's pretty much the same with her sleeping schedule. She has a nasty cough too.

It feels a bit weird to be home. Kind of like a dream. Here are some things that are odd to me: to be able to open my fridge and eat whatever I want. To see white eggs. To see milk in a jug. To be able to use the computer at any point during the day. To have a house phone. To have a tv and satellite and tivo. To hear a southern accent... and you guys have THICK accents... thicker than I remember! To sleep in such a huge bed. Not to live with like 30 other people. To take an amazing, hot shower anytime I want... and it doesn't flood the entire hallway when I shower! To finally experience winter at home.

Although I have so much to get used to, I'm so happy to be home. Of course I know I'll miss South Africa, and it'll always have a place in my heart, it just feels good to be back around my family and friends. I already miss my South African friends though.

Please continue to pray for my team as they're rockin it in Botswana. I'm so proud of them and I cannot wait to hear all the stories of what God's doing in and through them in Botswana. I'll keep yall posted on the stories too. Anyway, thank you so much for all of your support and prayers. I wouldn't have be able to do what I did if it wasn't for you guys. Thanks a ton!

(UPDATE: the pictures are of my team in Botswana)

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T20:10:00.008+02:00

Happy Thanksgiving! I absolutely cannot believe that it's Thanksgiving already. Well... we made it back from Worcester on Sunday. The trip back went okay... Mia didn't do as well as usual. Very tired and whiny 23 hour bus ride back to Durban, but we did survive. :)

Okay BIG BIG NEWS: With much prayer from the leadership on the base, I will not be going on outreach with my team to Botswana. The trip is a pioneer trip to a village in the desert and they think it'll be too much on Mia. Which means.... I'll be heading back to the US on December 8th!! So I'll be seeing you guys in about two weeks!!! Please keep my in your prayers as I'm getting ready to leave my team and fly home.

It feels good to be back in Durban. The weather isn't so great. Humid beyond anything I've felt in a long time. The humidity is possibly worse here than it was in Florida. Horribly humid. Very hot. Which means that laundry never gets dry (everything line dries). Literally as soon as you step out of the shower, you're already sweating. There's no where to go to escape the heat. Thank God it's slightly cooler inside... but not by much.

This week we're having training for next weeks OVC Camp (orphans and vulnerable children). Lots of information and even a bit of inner healing this week. It feels good to be more prepared to know how to handle potential situations to do with the kids we'll be spending time with next week at the camp. There will be 80 kids at the camp. The kids that are coming to the camp are the kids from Burlington (the township that we do ministry in), so we have relationships with some of them already.

Anyway, hope everyone's having an awesome Thanksgiving! I love you guys!

Welcome to Worcester

2008-11-18T16:00:00.008+02:00

Well, we made it to Worcester safe and sound. Worcester is probably the most beautiful place that I've been to in South Africa. We're literally right in the middle of the mountains. God is such an incredible artist. I've taken TONS of pictures that I'll upload when I get back to Durban.

This is week has been ridiculously awesome. There's about 300 YWAMers with us on the Worcester base. Many different nations. Many different languages. Many different skin colors. It's great. God has seriously touched my heart through worship in the past 2 days. You know the really intense times of worship where you can FEEL God's presence? It's so real and so heavy that it feels like you can reach out and physically touch God. But it's something that cannot be put into words. I cannot even begin to explain. There's nothing like the presence of God. So far, I think that this is the best week I've had since the DTS started. It's weeks like this when God completely shakes me. I love it.

My team is continuing to blow me away. Their desperation and hunger for God excites me. Each day God teaches me something new through one of them. Literally every single day.

Okay I gotta get going. I uploaded a bunch of pictures onto facebook. Many more to come. (UPDATE: I went through here and added pictures. There are pictures from the Durban bus station, in town (Worcester) and the place I stayed in Worcester.)

Discipleship

2008-11-13T23:00:00.003+02:00

This week's lecture was on Lordship/Discipleship. This was a great week for me. No matter how many times I hear a lecture on Lordship, I can always get something out of it... in some way, God always challenges me and reminds me that there are areas of my life that are not completely surrendered. There are days that I wake up and give everything I have to God... then somewhere in that day I will lose patience, or I'll make some stupid decision and the Holy Spirit convicts me and reminds me that my life isn't my own... it belongs to God and every single thing I do needs to glorify Him.

Staffing this DTS has been one of the most challenging things I've ever done. I know that this is a "God thing" though, because it is so hard. Spiritual growth and maturity is challenging. Through our failures is where we learn the most. It's in my mistakes that I realize God's mercy and grace. So many times I've felt like I ALMOST couldn't do this, but I know without a doubt that because God called me to YWAM Durban to staff this DTS that he's equipped me for every challenge I'm facing. I am capable. If He's called me to it, he'll give me the grace I need. He'll provide for me and encourage me. It's part of His character. He doesn't call you to something then abandon you. He walks the road with you.

Discipleship is something I'm passionate about. It's a huge part of the reason why I'm here staffing this Discipleship Training School. I'm passionate about seeing people discipled. I want to spiritually challenge my students. To me, in order to speak into their lives and disciple them, I must be actively involved in their lives. I must be spending time with them daily. I must have one on ones with them and small groups. I must take them out for coffee and talk about life with them. I gotta LIVE LIFE with them. I guess it all comes down to relationship. If I have relationships with them, they build respect and trust with me and I with them. I love them, but that love came over time. It required me spending time with them and getting to know them. It required getting to know what makes them laugh, knowing about their families back home, knowing about their pets, knowing about when they got saved, knowing about their favorite foods, knowing about their pasts... knowing them. Relationships are vital.

We're all leaving for Worcester, South Africa tomorrow. It's a 20 hour bus ride. Mia's on my lap the whole time. We're going there for a huge conference. I know God's going to do something amazing next week in Worcester. Just keep praying for me and my team. I love you and miss you tremendously.

Culture.

2008-11-09T22:29:00.002+02:00

This weekend is a blur. The days have been going by unusually fast lately. We went to the mall on Saturday and walked around. When we get into the city, it makes me feel normal again. Being in the mall with hundreds of other people makes me feel somewhat normal. It reminds me that YWAM Durban isn't "life"... and that there's more to life than YWAM Durban. It makes me also kinda feel like I'm at home in the US again. The hustle and bustle of life refreshes me. To some extent, the chaos of life revitalizes me I think. Odd, I know.

Last week's lecture was on cultural redemption. Our teacher was a white South African woman. We did several exercises to show the differences and similarities in our cultures. In the DTS that I'm staffing there are 2 Canadian students, 2 South African students, 1 American student, and 1 English student. It's really interesting to hear where the South Africans are coming from and it was great to share a bit of my culture with everyone. I mean, yes, I am in South Africa. I am here to experience South African life HOWEVER, I am still a North American woman. I cannot leave every piece of who I am behind because I'm in a different country. I don't expect anyone to lay down who they are because I'm from another country. Wouldn't it be amazing if I could bring my culture to the table and the South Africans could bring theirs and we could learn to adapt to each other. We could learn things from one another instead of argue who's right and wrong? Hmm... seems ideal to me.

So the most exciting thing that happened today was that Mia got some dry erase markers and colored on the wall in our lecture room. I almost died. There are 2 little kids that live on base (their parents are on staff) and they came and told me that Mia was coloring... on the wall. Mia was so surprised to see me when I walked into the lecture room. Thank God all the art came off the walls.

Hope everyone had a great weekend. I love and miss you guys.

Wednesdays in Burlington.

2008-11-05T22:56:00.004+02:00

Every Wednesday we do what's called feeding scheme. We put a program together and minister to the kids in the township here (the name of the township is Burlington). But after we do the program we feed them. They eat rice and stew. We have usually around 60 kids from the ages of about 2-12. So here's kinda what happens: We walk about 20 minutes into the township. The kids are usually ready and waiting on us. We show them how to wash their hands and then when everyone's done getting washed up, we present a little message to them, we sing songs, play games, do dramas and that sort of thing. Here's one of our biggest challenges: they speak Zulu... we do not. Usually we have a translator, but there are occassions when we don't. These children are at times completely defiant. They are starving physically and emotionally. They are so hungry for love and affection. So even in the moments of meltdown and frustration because we cannot communicate or the kids just DO NOT listen... we know that we are making a huge impact in their lives. When we smile at them or wink at them, when we hug them and hold their hands, when we give them a high five or thumbs up, when we tell them we love them... we're showing them Jesus.

They absolutely love cameras. They love taking pictures and then looking at themselves. They're normal children. They're silly and curious. The sad thing is though, that it's typical to see a 6 year old child carrying around her baby brother. So many of the children in Burlington are orphans. There's a huge problem with HIV/AIDS in Burlington, also TB is very common. No matter what age these kids are, if a parent dies, they rise up and take on the role as the parent. They're robbed of their childhood and their identity.

I read an extremely sad statistic that stated this: It's a sad but true fact that it is more likely for a South African woman to be raped than to learn how to read. That makes my heart ache. What a horrible reality.

I love you guys. Goodnight.

What the heck is LOVE??

2008-10-29T00:57:00.007+02:00

This week seems to be a little more challenging for me for a variety of reasons. I think that so many of my weaknesses have been highlighted in the past few days but that's actually not a bad thing. When I realize my weaknesses, I can work on them, but at times when you're realizing your weaknesses, it's incredibly lonely and painful. Also I think also a contributing factor is that I really feel a bit homesick this week. I'm missing home. I miss my family and friends tremendously. However, I personally love change. I'm not scared or intimidated by change... but it IS hard to pack up and move on... to leave best friends behind and just start over. I'm growing so so much during this time though. I know I am. I can feel it.

Our topic this week is relationships. We have an awesome speaker. She's on staff with YWAM Muizenberg and she's originally from Washington state. It's cool to have an American speaker too. Anyway, her and her husband work with the School of Biblical Studies at the YWAM base in Muizenberg. So far this week, we've been talking a lot about grace and love. I've loved her lectures so far and I'm looking forward to what she has to share with us for the rest of this week. She gave us a little class time assignment today. She wanted us to define love... to be creative and write something. Here's what I wrote:

Love is patient with a tired, whiny two year old... even at 3 am. Love is kind to every person it comes in contact with... including the people who are the most undeserving. It's not envious of others' successes nor does it boast in its own. It is not arrogant about its cultures or convictions. It does not insist on its own way, even when its own way is right. It's not irrational towards other or resentful of the people who've taken advantage of it in the past. it does not rejoice in conflict, strife, gossip, or failures, but rejoices in peace, unity, humility and prosperity. It bears through homesickness, discouragement and loneliness. It believes in truth and always stands for the truth... no matter what consequences may come of it. It has hope in all people... even the ones who've let it down the most. Love endures through pain and hardships. Love is selfless and sacrificial at ALL times, to ALL people.

Well that's it for now. I love you guys. Please keep me in your prayers.

Drakensberg

2008-10-27T19:02:00.005+02:00

Okay. First of all, apologies for my lack of blogging. The internet on the base wasn't been working, and then we went away for a week of teaching to a YWAM base that had no internet. Anyway, I'm back now with internet access.

Last week we went to Drakensberg, South Africa to the YWAM base there for a teaching on the Holy Spirit. The YWAM base there is on a farm and it was absolutely beautiful. I'm having an amazing time in Durban. God's teaching me so many lessons through my students and friends here. Leadership has been way more of a challenge than I imagined it would be. In the midst of my shortcomings God's proving to me that his grace is sufficient. Every day my prayer is that God will give me a humble heart and a teachable spirit. Sometimes being rebuked is painful and hard, but that's where we experience the most growth... when we make mistakes, it forces us to learn a lesson. This is all learning process. I never claimed to have it all together or be this super hero leader, but I'm honestly trying my best. God's teaching me to manage my time, control my anger, rely on him to meet my emotional needs, to exhibit self control with my words, to learn to communicate better and so so so much more. I find myself praying for patience all the time, then it seems like that same day I get put into a situation where I have to opportunity to put into practice what it means to be patient, but I then get angry and frustrated. Then I go to God and complain about the situation. Finally one day God spoke to me so clearly. This is what he said, "Kristen, you're asking me for patience. Learn it! I'm giving you opportunities. I'm doing my part. Do yours." Duh... okay God now I get it. But wouldn't it be so much easier if I could just snap my fingers and get a huge dose of patience?? That's not real life though.

Yeah, life is good. Challenging, but good. I hope everyone's doing fantastic. I love and miss you.

Happy Birthday to ME!

2008-10-12T11:02:00.004+02:00

Yesterday was a really special birthday. The beach didn't work out, but we went to "Pavillion" which is a mall. I got to walk around a really nice mall and look around. We went to lunch at Mugg and Bean and watched a game of rugby. We saw a movie, which turned out to be slightly retarded, but it was a relaxing day. Away from the base, away from cooking...just away...

I love weekends. I love being able to sleep in, and by sleep in I mean sleep until 7:30. Mia doesn't understand the concept of sleeping in. During the week my days start at around 6, but on the weekends, that extra hour and a half feels fantastic. I still have obligations and cooking and one on ones...but on the weekends, life slows down just a bit and it's nice.

Today I had a great chat with my students (well with my girls). I feel so blessed to be a part of their lives. They're a really good group of girls. It was good to relax and have some girl talk. A couple hours with no boys, just the 5 of us girls was awesome.

Anyway, I hope everyone's having a fantastic weekend. I love you and miss you all.

home sweet home

2008-10-09T08:02:00.006+02:00

We made it back from the staff conference on Saturday night. We were supposed to come back Thursday night but a couple of us from Durban got extremely sick and couldn't make the 17 hour trip until Saturday. There were approximately 300 people at the YWAM Kruger base last week for the conference. (70 were children.) More than half of us got a stomach bug. It was horrible. Mia and I both had the stomach bug.

Other than being sick, the conference was amazing. It was a lot of fun to be around so many other people who are passionate about Southern Africa and working hard to see God's Kingdom come here. It was an awesome time of fellowship and hearing God. It was good to get away from Durban for a week and have bonding time with the staff from the other bases.

The bus ride was about 17 hours, including a 5 hour layover in Johannesburg. Even though the bus ride was incredibly long, it was beautiful. The mountains in north east South Africa are so different from the mountains in Cape Town and even Durban. Every place I've been to in South Africa looks so different, however it's all different kinds of beautiful. I love the scenery.

This week is busy. YWAM Durban is hosting a conference: God's Heart for the Nations. Last night was our largest crowd so far. We're celebrating our nations and cultures and worshiping God. At the conference, there were about 15 nations represented. Also, as we all come together to worship God we're crying out for the nations who haven't heard the gospel and for the nations where Christians are most persecuted. This week has been an amazing time of celebrating and worshiping together.

My birthday is on Saturday! I'm really excited to be turning 22 in South Africa. My students and my friend (who's the school leader) are taking me out to dinner and to the beach for my birthday. I've only been to the beach twice since I've been in Durban, so I'm really looking forward to spending the day there.

Anyway, I have to get back to work. I love and miss you guys!

Staff Conference

2008-09-27T10:21:00.003+02:00

This week has been great. We had lectures on hearing God's voice. Life is hectic but wonderful. I've now taken on the task of kitchen manager...which means that at YWAM Durban we're eating AMERICAN food! Between my students, Mia and the kitchen, life stays busy.

Its been really rainy this week. Spring/ the rainy season just started. The climate is similar to Florida. Mia's adapted to Durban. She fits in great here. There's another family that lives on base. They're from Zimbabwe and they have two kids: Deborah and Genius. Mia loves to play with them. They run all over the base exploring. The base is gated and fenced in, which is really nice.

I'm leaving tonight for a week long staff conference. I think all of YWAM Southern Africa will be there. It's right around Kruger National Park. It's a pretty long trip by bus though; about 12 hours (16 with my layover in Johannesburg). I'm really excited about the conference. Most of the staff from this base are going. I don't know if I'll have internet access next week while I'm at the conference.

Anyway, have an awesome weekend. I'll talk to you next week. I love and miss you all.

Hearing God's Voice

2008-09-24T00:21:00.000+02:00

The DTS has officially begun. It actually started last Wednesday but we had orientation the first week. This week the lectures are on hearing God's voice. The speaker is great, and I know the students are already getting so much out of the teaching.

Another one of our students arrived tonight. He's from Mossel Bay, South Africa. (The town I was in last month for my friend's birthday party.) And another one of our students is arriving on Friday. She's from England. Our student from Pakistan and our student from Nigeria are having issues with their visas, so please remember them in your prayers.

Anyway, I have to get to bed. Tomorrow's another busy day. Goodnight!

the students are here!

2008-09-16T23:04:00.003+02:00

Our first students arrived yesterday! Today I took one of the new students into the city and walked around. We're getting some of the last minute details of the school wrapped up. I put a bunch of pictures from home and Jeffreys Bay up on my walls. Any time someone would come into our room Mia was quick to show them pictures of her Nonnie and her Pop and her uncle Cole. I know she misses my family a lot. I'm thankful for Skype and pictures though.

Anyway, I'll write more later in the week, after the students all get here. The school officially starts tomorrow! Hope you guys are having a great week!

Durban!

2008-09-09T14:33:00.005+02:00

I am so sorry it's taken me so long to write a blog. I've been in Durban for a week and a half now and I finally made it to an internet cafe. It's a good 20-25 minute walk (each way) into town so I'm going to try to make it into town twice a week, depending on how busy I'll be with the DTS.

Durban is great. I really like it here. This base feels like a family. Right now I'm going through a lot of staff training and praying for the students. Our first student will arrive on Monday and the school starts on September 17th. We're expecting 5-10 students. The DTS staff consists of me, the school leader and another girl. I have a lot of responsibility on me right now, but it feels so good. I know God's going to do incredible things in the DTS. I can't wait to finally meet the students and really get things started.

Durban is HOT. Spring just started and it's in the 80's. The city is huge. It's a big change from Jbay, but it's nice. Sometimes it can be hard to start all over and go to a new place and make new friends, but things are going perfectly. I've gotten to know a lot of the staff and students and I feel comfortable already.

Anyway, I've got to get a few things from town and walk back to the base. Please keep me and this upcoming DTS in your prayers. Also if you're interested in financially supporting me, please let me know. I can't do this without all of you guys. I can't wait to see what God's going to do here. I love and miss you all!

And the countdown is on!

2008-08-24T20:30:00.003+02:00

WOW. I really wanted to post a blog last week but time got away from me. I'm leaving for Durban on Thursday. I've been getting all of my stuff packed up and sorted. I didn't realize how much work packing would be. I don't think it has completely hit me yet that I'm leaving Jbay and that I wont be living with my roommate anymore. I've gotten a little attached to this town (and of course some of the people here). It'll be strange not living in Jeffreys anymore. Man... 4 MORE DAYS!

This weekend I went with some to stay with a friend in his home town (Mossel Bay- which is a 4 hour drive up the coast) for his 21st birthday and his grandmother's 80th birthday. I had a really great time. It's hard to fully experience the coloured South African culture while being here in YWAM, but being in Mossel Bay this weekend was the full on experience. I don't think I've ever heard more Afrikaans in my life. Thank God I've picked up a little Afrikaans and could get the gist of what was going on in the conversations. But I felt like I was at home again... my friend's family really welcomed me into their home. And they had CABLE! :) It was one of the first times I've watched cable since I've been in South Africa. The view was incredible. I could stand on the patio and see the ocean and the mountains. It was absolutely beautiful.

Anyway, I'm tired after the bus ride. Have a great week you guys. I love and miss you

DTS STAFF!!

2008-08-13T20:03:00.005+02:00

I have extremely exciting news! The opportunity that I was talking about in my last blog is this: I'm going to be volunteer staff for the September DTS with YWAM Durban! If you're not quite sure what a DTS is, let me explain. DTS stands for "Discipleship Training School" and it's is an incredible school that teaches students about the depth and character of God. The aim of the DTS is to develop a daily walk with God rather than to accumulate information. The DTS is approximately 5 months long; 3 months of lectures and then 2 months of outreach. The DTS is designed to encourage students to develop in personal character, to cultivate a living relationship with God, and to identify their unique, individual gifts and callings in God. Cross-cultural exposure and global awareness are special emphases throughout the DTS, and answers the call to "Go into all the world and make disciples of all nations" Matthew 28:19.

As most of you guys know, I did my DTS with YWAM Orlando in September 2007. DTS was a life changing experience for me. For the first time, I realize that I had been putting God into a little "Christian box". God challenged me so much during my DTS. I experience community living for the first time at YWAM Orlando, and honestly, I didn't like it back then. During DTS I realized just how selfish I was and God brought up a lot of issues in my life such as pride. He really dealt with my heart... and it was painful. DTS was literally one of the best things I ever did and opened my eyes to missions. It gave me a new excitement about God. I learned so much in my DTS. Each week we got a new speaker to come in and teach on a different topics (this is the lecture phase and is three months long). Some topics include: hearing God's voice, the father heart of God, forgiveness and many others.

So, my responsibility is going to be working with the DTS students. I'll be leading a small group and having one on one's (accountability) with the female students. The DTS starts September 17, 2008- February 6, 2009. In our outreach, we'll be doing ministry for a month in South Africa and another month in probably India. Although I will be on "staff", it will be as a volunteer. Please pray about whether or not you will be able to commit to supporting me through prayer, and/or financially supporting me. My staff fees, food and lodging add up to around $400 a month. So, for the first three months, which is the lecture phase, I'm in need of approximately $1200. For the last two months which is outreach, I'm in need of approximately $4,000 for airfare, staff fees, food, lodging and other outreach costs. All together, that's approximately $5,200. I cannot do this without you guys. Please pray about what kind of role you can play. If you have any questions, feel free to email me anytime. I'd love to chat.

I'll write more about Durban (which is in South Africa by the way), and the YWAM Durban base in another blog later this week. Here is the YWAM Durban's website if you'd like to check it out: www.ywamdurban.org . I love you all and hope you have a wonderful week.

2008-08-05T20:33:00.002+02:00

And another busy week is coming to an end. Each week I find myself more and more blown away by God. We just finished 3 more books... 2 Corinthians, and 1 and 2 Timothy. Something that really stood out to me in 2 Timothy is Paul's commitment to the gospel. So many people were abandoning him and turning their backs on God, but in spite of severe suffering and persecution, Paul sticks with Jesus. He doesn't give up. Paul was dedicated. And the amazing thing is, Paul was previously the one who was persecuting Christians. God is in the business of restoring lives and truly making us a new creation.

God has done absolutely incredible things in my life and has taken me from my old life, to this new life... I'm a 21 year old missionary in South Africa studying the Word of God. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be doing what I'm doing now. Never. But God dreamed it. He had a purpose for me that I knew nothing about, but now I truly believe I'm living out my purpose. I want to play a role in the discipleship of others. So many people have poured into me, and discipled me (we never spiritually "arrive"...discipleship is a process that lasts our entire lives) and I am excited to play that role in other people's lives. I love intercession; communicating with God is such an important and beautiful thing. I love missions. LOVE LOVE LOVE. I wanna reach out to the lost. I wanna share my story with them and hear theirs. I want to see people fall completely in love with God. I wanna tear down strongholds in people's lives in the name of Jesus. I wanna see people live radical lives for Christ. I am so excited to be where I am right now. I'm really blessed. I have a really incredible opportunity that I'll write more about in my next blog. Just know that it's something I'm very excited about and I've put TONS of prayer into. I'll write more about it later on in the week though.

Anyway, I love and miss you guys. Hope you have a wonderful rest of the weekend.

My little Mia

2008-08-02T22:33:00.006+02:00

Today was really cold and windy. However, when I decided to take Mia into the community to watch some of our friends play rugby, I did not know this. After walking about 5 minutes I realized that it was really cold. I don't exactly understand rugby, but I get the idea. It's pretty similar to American football. I hate watching rugby on tv, but I really enjoyed watching the guys play today. They really impressed me. Rugby is a really big deal here. And these crazy rugby players don't wear pads or helmets! They play very very rough and yet they don't protect themselves. Why, you may ask? I HAVE NO IDEA!

God's really been changing my heart (in a good way) about community living. It really does have it's advantages. You always have friends around you and you can usually find someone who wants to play cards or watch tv or just chat. We all share responsibilities. Different people prepare meals through out the week. We each have like a "chore" or work duty. I have lots of awesome people around me that are positively influencing Mia and me. I have lots of good babysitters. Mia is very attached to a lot of people on the base. She's got 4 other little friends on the base that are right around her age. She's a very loved little girl.

Speaking of Mia...she'll be two and a half this month! I cannot believe it. She is the friendliest child I've ever met in my life. She is SOOO social. I suppose she has to be considering she's surround by so many people all the time. She makes new friends everywhere we go. Even today at the rugby field....she was making friends with a couple of ladies today and they had a bottle of flavored water. Mia said to them "Oh, you must give me some of your flavored water." The funniest thing about that is most of us Americans would word that sentence: "Oh, you have to give me some of your flavored water." The word "have" in English doesn't exist in Afrikaans it's some word that means "must". So, when they speak in English they would use "must" instead of "have". Mia never says have. She'll say "Mommy, we must go to the shop"... the translation of that is: "Mommy, we have to go to the store". It's so funny how African culture has rubbed off on her!

Not too much else happening here. I hope you guys are all having a great weekend!

Ikhaya

2008-07-26T23:56:00.003+02:00

The base has a 24 hour prayer going on right now. Not sure if every one's familiar with 24 hour prayer so I'll briefly describe it. Basically people can sign up for a 1 hour slot through out 24 hours and pray whatever God puts on their hearts. The point is that for 24 hours straight, prayer is happening (praying for the nations). In the prayer room is a world map and books with facts on countries and prayer points and stuff. I prayed from 9-10 tonight and loved every minute of it. When you get in that mood and have God's heart for a nation, your heart literally is breaking for them and the areas Satan's lying to them. Prayer changes things and I love it. And I also love the nations... :)

My house here (we call it ikhaya-ikhaya means house) is right in the middle of town, really close to the township...about a 5 minute walk. We're right next to the bus stop. Literally buses come and pull up next to our house. So people are always chillin out on the front porch steps or around the back porch at all hours of the night. There have been a few instances where homeless people walked right into our house (and rooms) from off the street. We even had some street kids come in at night and steal food out of the fridge. But since the start of SBS (March) the only things that have been stolen out of the house has been food. Lesson learned though; now we keep doors locked and actually remember to close doors. The point is, the weekends are way worse. Meaning it's 12:30 am right now and I can hear drunk people shouting outside. Very loud, drunk people that are sitting in the yard.

So while I'm on that topic of loud, drunk people and safety and all that... as soon as it gets dark here, it's not safe for girls to walk anywhere alone...or even two or three of us together. We need a boy. Now, for most people maybe this wouldn't be an issue, but being the independent person that I am, I find it annoying. I mean I understand and all, but it's something I've had to get used to. One of the biggest problems is this: The SBS all lives together in ikhaya. We have classes here and everything. However, the rest of the people on the base and the actual base (where we go for worship and prayer and meals) is a 5 minute walk. Not far at all but if it's dark...you're basically trapped here in ikhaya. And when I say trapped, I mean that pretty literally.

I've been in South Africa for about 7 months now, and I'm pretty adjusted to safety issues and cultural differences. I still find some things here odd. For example: They call traffic lights "robots". Apparently you cannot buy white eggs here...they're all brown and have little feathers and "stuff" (it appears to be poop) on them. *yuck* They have a very different accent that I think sounds very British. You can buy milk out of a carton that DOESN'T get refrigerated and apparently stays "good" for over a year. We eat TONS of rice and potatoes...sometimes meals of only rice and potatoes. There are tons of different things but there's a few.

Anyway I'm going to go get some sleep. Good night guys!

Completely Desperate

2008-07-22T20:30:00.003+02:00

This week we've had the most beautiful weather! Literally perfect weather. Almost every moment we're not in class I'm down at the beach doing homework there. Well almost every moment. Today I was studying and listening to some great worship music and watching the waves. The beach is beautiful and kind of rocky. Off in the distance are gorgeous mountains. It's days like today when I realize just how blessed I am. Man, it was a beautiful day.

This is a really busy week. Monday- Wednesday we're studying Colossians. Also on Wednesday we have an exam and an intro to New Testament Greek. Thursday-Saturday we're studying 1 and 2 Thessalonians. So this week will be another crazy week.

Yesterday, after morning lectures, as a class we went to the beach for to do a practical application. Our teacher asked us to write or create something that showed where we're at presently in our relationship with God. Me, being the incredibly creative person that I am, wrote in the sand. :) Everyone else was making cool things out of sand and shells and wood, but not me. I can write...that's about as creative as it gets. Anyway, what God's stirring in my heart right now is really hard to put into words. I'm more desperate for God than I've ever been in my life. I'm starving for something that only God can fill me with. I'm so glad that God's taken me this far, but I wanna go farther. I wanna go deeper. I want incredibly intimate times with God. I think He can always take us deeper. I wanna experience who God is on a daily basis and be changed daily because of how great God is. This is what I wrote in the sand: Desperate. In love. Hungry. Never satisfied. Deeper. I AM... a fire starter. I AM a world changer. I AM a crazy, 21 year old missionary and I will make a difference.

Have a great week guys. I love and miss you tons. Good night.

My Confession...

2008-07-18T23:12:00.006+02:00

So, as I wrote in my last blog, this week we're studying the book of Luke. I'm about to make an incredibly honest confession that I'm embarrassed about...here it goes: When God first spoke to me about doing the SBS I was really dreading having to read and study the gospels. Because, in my mind, I'd heard all the stories when I was a kid about how Jesus healed people and cast demons out of people. (Yes, what a horrible thing for a Christian to say...I know, I know! I said this was embarrassing. God's taught me a lot about humility...) Also, I really didn't understand a lot of what Jesus said. I found it all very confusing. Let's fast forward to now. I've read and studied 3 out of the 4 gospels so far. I literally love the gospels. I really enjoyed studying Mark and John a lot, but Luke blew my mind. God has really ministered to my heart through this book. I am actually disappointed that we only have one gospel left (Matthew). I wish there were more gospels.

On that note, last night we saw, "The Passion of the Christ". If you haven't seen it, watch it. Rent it tonight. I think that pretty much, if you're an American over the age of like 7, you know something about Jesus and that he died on the cross for you. Am I right? We've all heard the story, but it's more than a story. It's real. It really happened. It shows us just how much God loves each and every one of us. It's a real story about the Son of God living a perfect, blameless life, then laying it down as a sacrifice so the world could have eternal life; so we could be made right before God. Jesus made it possible for us to have a relationship with God. Watching that movie puts it all into perspective for me. Picturing Jesus being beaten beyond recognition and spit on and mocked...it really broke my heart. I was sitting there, watching this movie, praying that I wouldn't completely lose it and have a meltdown. Needless to say I think most people in the room watching the movie were crying. It's hard not to cry. Jesus Christ suffered and died for us! Thank God it didn't end there though. Just like Jesus said he would, he rose again and he's in heaven with God.

Tonight the whole YWAM base, about 70 of us in all, got together for a braai. (Basically a braai is the South African word for barbecue) We all ate great food and played volleyball and played some cards. It was a really fun night. Plus, the weather tonight was absolutely beautiful. If I had to guess I'd say it was about 73 degrees. Lately it's been in the 30's yet tonight it was warm! It was very strange weather, but it was perfect. Anyway, I miss you all and hope you have a wonderful weekend!

We're all only human

2008-07-15T13:31:00.004+02:00

The more I read the Bible, the more I realize that I really don't have it all figured out. The more I try to comprehend about the Lord, the more complex and mind blowing I find him.The more I dig and search the Word with my heart and mind, the more I fall in love with it. I have absolutely no problem admitting that there's so much that I just don't understand, but it's okay! I don't need to know every answer. We never will figure it all out. That's the great thing about God; He's so bigger than what we think He is.

It seems like every week, (we study a new book of the Bible each week) I think, "Okay this one's my favorite". The Bible gets better and better. This week we're studying Luke. We have a gifted speaker who has an awesome understand of the Word. So as of this week, Luke is my new favorite book. And can I just say that the disciples give me hope as a believer. I mean really, some of the things that they say remind me that they're only human, just like all of us. They make mistakes. They open their mouths and say dumb things when they should just be quiet.

For example, Peter, in Mark 8:31-33. Jesus is telling the disciples that he's going to suffer and be killed. But Peter pulls him aside and rebukes Jesus. But Jesus turns around and rebukes Peter and actually says to him "Get behind me Satan". Oh Peter... not too wise.

Or how about John and James in Luke 9:51-55? Jesus and his disciples are heading to Samaria but the people there do not receive Jesus. So James and John say to Jesus, "Do you want us to commant fire to come down from heaven and consume them?" Seriously guys? Did you two just say that?? And Jesus rebuked them.

Now please understand; I'm not trying to knock the disciples, I'm just saying that I'm thankful that their humanity is shown through out the Bible. It reminds me that as followers of Christ we're all on this journey together and none of us have "arrived". We all mess up from time to time.

Mia and I have horrible colds right now. The problem with community living is that when one person gets sick, we all get sick. 12 people in one house, breathing on each other, passing germs around doesn't make for a good combination. There are quite a few people in the house with colds. Please remember us in your prayers. This cold is taking all our energy away. There has been so much sickness, and problems with people's visas and stuff like that. Satan knows that we're all growing and learning a lot from SBS and he is trying to stop us any way he thinks he can.

Okay, I have tons of homework to get back to. I am so interested in hearing what's happening in your lives and what God's teaching you right now. Also if there's anything you'd like me to be praying about, please send me an email and let me know. I pray for you guys often and miss you all! Tot siens.

interviewing disciples

2008-07-08T19:36:00.005+02:00

Jesus is awesome. No really...he's awesome. This week we're reading the gospel of Mark. One of the most interesting things to me is how he chooses his disciples. In Mark chapter 1, Jesus walks up to these two ordinary, fisherman brothers (who are fishing w/ their dad) and basically is like: "Hey guys. What's up? Follow me", and just like that, James and John drop what they're doing (here's the key word...) IMMEDIATELY and follow Jesus. These dudes leave their dad in the boat and take off with this complete stranger! They immediately give up everything for Christ. Amazing!

If I was the Son of God, and was trying to choose my disciples, here's how I'd do it: I'd go to the local synagogue and interview all the smartest, most godly men I could find. I'm sure it would be a very intense interview process. However, Jesus chooses ordinary men. Not men that he found in the temple...fishermen and tax collectors and other normal people. What? Seriously?

Also, I think my absolute favorite thing in Mark was at the end of chapter 1, when Jesus heals a leper. The leper is begging Jesus to heal him. And Jesus is "moved to compassion". (Here comes my favorite part....) Now, Jesus could have just spoken "be healed", but Jesus TOUCHES the leper to heal him. Leprosy was a big deal. Lepers couldn't even be around other people. It was a humiliating, horrible disease. And the LORD touches this man to show him that he's just as worthy of receiving grace and healing as any other person. What a moment that must have been for the leper.

By the way, the 4th of July was great. We really had fun and ate way too much good food. It was great though. Pictures posted are from the 4th!

It's freezing cold here. It's supposed to be 12 degrees Celsius tomorrow (I have no idea what that means, other than it's cold). Anyway, I have a lot of homework to get back to. I love and miss you guys!

Wednesday intercession

2008-07-02T12:04:00.005+02:00

I have internet in my house! I cannot even begin to tell you how happy that makes me. No more walking into town in the cold to go to the internet cafe. They close at 7 pm my time, which is only 1 pm back home... really inconvenient when trying to skype. But now I can skype home or check my email when ever I want! Okay, I'm pretty much ecstatic right now. :)

Here on the YWAM base, Wednesdays are really special. As an entire base, we fast lunch and during lunch time (1-2) we intercede for the township. Also we have a short time of worship. Some Wednesdays we do evangelism as well. The money that would have gone towards Wednesday's lunch is put into a special fund for orphans and widows. At the end of the month the base gets all the money together and buys them food. It's a really cool way to relate to people in the township. Every Wednesday at lunch time, when we're all really hungry, we know how thousands of people in the township feel every day.

In the School of Biblical Studies, the only Americans are Mia, my friend Christina (Christina and I were in DTS together back in Orlando), and me. Which basically means that Christina and I were a little bummed that we're going to be missing out on the 4th of July celebrations. Obviously South Africans don't celebrate our independence day... UNTIL NOW! Christina and I are planning a 4th of July party. We wanna show South Africa how we celebrate. I mean, the whole shabang. Fireworks, chicken, ribs, hamburgers, potato salad... well you get the picture. Sooo if any of you guys have any great recipes that you'd like to share, Christina and I would more than appreciate it.

Okay I have to get going. Time for prayer on the base. I love and miss you guys! Tot siens!

6 months later...

2008-06-30T15:37:00.007+02:00

As of today, I've been in South Africa for 6 months! That's half a year! Time really does fly. God's been shaping me so much and developing certain characteristics in me. I know I've changed a lot. God's taught me a lot of lessons...some of which I've been learning the hard way. I've learned to live without. I've learned to adapt. I've learned to rely on God...for everything. I've learned to manage my time. I've learned that it's better to be obedient than to screw up and have to ask for forgiveness. Of course the Lord forgives us, but there are still consequences. I've learned how incredible God's grace and forgiveness are. I've learned what it means to show Christ's love to people. I've seen many, many salvations. I've realized that no matter where we are in the world, no matter what color out skin is, no matter what language we speak, as followers of Christ, we all serve the same awesome God, and we're all one body.

I've met people who've changed my life; who've made me a better person, people that I'll never be able to forget. I've had the incredible privilege of living half way across the world in the most beautiful place I've ever been to. I've learned how to live in a house with 12 other people (and didn't completely lose my mind!). I've learned to really speak up for myself and what's right. I've seen joy in the poorest people and realized for myself that the enemy cannot steal our joy. I've seen poverty like I'd never imagined, and I refuse to sit back and do nothing. I can't turn my head anymore. I cannot deny that people are literally starving to death. I've realized what a huge blessing it is to have an amazing, supportive family, and to have a wonderful a bunch of friends that support you and pray for you. So...Thank you SO SO SO much for all your prayers and support. I CANNOT WAIT to see where God brings me in the next 6 months! I love and miss you all.

J-Bay Pics

2008-06-24T18:48:00.005+02:00

Here are a couple of pics from J-Bay!

Back to class

2008-06-23T14:36:00.010+02:00

Monday mornings are really exciting here in Jbay on the YWAM base. On Monday mornings the whole base gets together for worship. True Africa style, with lots of dancing. :) Most of the songs are in English and songs that we would sing at Foothills, so that's cool, but we also sing some African songs that are in Afrikaans. I think every African song that we sing has some sort of dance to it. It's really cool to see how free people are in worship here. And the guys that lead worship here on the base are really talented. I love it.

Today was my first day back to class since our two week break. It felt really good to be back in the class room. There's a joke in YWAM about the School of Biblical Studies. We have many hours a week that we sit in class listening to lectures, plus many hours sitting down doing charts and reading and doing homework. So, the SBS is also referred to as the Sore Butt School.

The beach here is so beautiful. And today it's finally nice and warm. No...not warm. It's HOT. I bet it's in the 80's today. I'm trying to add a few pictures of the ocean that were taken here in Jeffreys Bay. God is so creative.

Alright, I have some homework that I need to get back to. I am missing home like crazy. Keep Mia and me in your prayers. Tot siens!

Freezing in June...

2008-06-18T14:35:00.005+02:00

Wow. I can't believe I'm blogging. Hopefully it'll be easier for everyone back home to stay updated on what's happening with Mia and me here in South Africa.

I have to admit that I'm a little jealous that it's summer time back at home. It's extremely weird to be half way through June and freezing COLD. Winter...in June? Strange. Last week the weather was gorgeous though. Mia and I spent almost every day last week at the beach looking for shells. Which is, of course, her favorite new found hobby. Every morning she wakes up and asks to go to the beach to find shells.

Mia is growing like a little weed though. It's nice to finally be able to carry on a conversation with her. She actually responds to me! It's great. Although at times I haven't the slightest clue what she's talking about because she's been making up her own words. She hears so many people around her speaking Afrikaans so I think she tries to copy them and it comes out as total gibberish sometimes.

At the moment there's not a whole lot happening. I start class again on Monday. I've had a great little two week break from classes, and I'm actually ready to get back into the swing of things and dig into God's Word more. It's really been great to stop and catch my breath though. Well I guess that's all for now. Tot siens!

Welcome

2008-02-15T00:14:00.003+02:00

Welcome to Kristen's blog! I created this blog to remember and to share with you all of my experiences in South Africa. I hope you enjoy!