Experiencing God in a Freezing Cold Coffee Lounge

Last night, Somer and I decided to step out of our comfort zones a little bit and went to a new church with about 25 other college aged kids that we did not know. Thank God I did, because I experienced God in that crowded, freezing cold room so deeply that I can honestly say that God shook me to my core.

His presence was more real in that room than I've experience in quite some time. His love was so incredibly thick and tangible that the only way I know how to explain it is that the power of His perfect love felt like there was a heaviness in my lungs. Everything in me was just completely focused on Christ... encompassed by His love.

It was a beautiful, monumental sight to see young people step up and wait on God and be 100% led by His Spirit. Not playing songs that they felt would have an impact, not saying words that they felt would impress... solely relying on the Holy Spirit to lead the entire night. There was intense intercession and prayer that I've NEVER seen in a church.

And the PEOPLE... there was a sincerity and a realness in them that I've been perpetually longing to see. These people were there to fellowship with the creator of the universe. They were desperate to know Jesus intimately. And in that place, you couldn't help but be sucked into the presence of God and be broken before Him. To worship God, totally uninhibited. I have been praying for while that I'd feel a sense of belonging and peace and that I'd be able to meet followers of Christ with hearts like mine. I've been begging God for Christian friends. I've been pleading with God for the connection that I felt last night.


God is faithful and He is good. Not just sometimes good, or sometimes faithful... ALWAYS. I am so grateful for these young Christians who are on fire for God and who want to impact the world for Him. I feel like I have a new respect for my generation.


Last night this song played over and over in my head. I could not get this song out of my mind. And when I woke up this morning it was still there...


"Your love is extravagant" -Casting Crowns

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place
Cause Your love is extravagant

Chorus:
Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place
Your love is extravagant

Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate

"She Is Mine" -Melissa Barber

This post is dedicated to a great friend of mine named Melissa. She was one of my students in Durban. Immediately after meeting her I felt a connection to her. Melissa is so desperate for God. She is literally one of the most incredible, passionate, beautiful people I've ever met in my life. She has the biggest heart and God's blessed her with some INCREDIBLE talent. Melissa will change the world. She's played a really big role in my life in the half a year that I've known her. Melissa, I have crazy amounts of respect for you and I love you to death. Okay, watch this video of her's... (the song she's singing in the video she wrote and she made this video)

"How He Loves"

This song just... it does something to me in my spirit... these lyrics are so intense that every single time i hear this song, i get goosebumps. Please watch the video too. Kim Walker rocks this song.




"How He Loves" -Kim Walker

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

He loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

[Whispered]: Well, I thought about You the day Stephen died and You met me between my breaking
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony
...they want to tell me You're cruel
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause...[voice breaks]...

Cause He loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

Hope in a Pick-up Truck.

I've wanted to post something for the past 2 days. I have been searching for the right words though. I'm not too sure that I found them, but I'll give it a try...

I am so grateful how God blesses my heart in the most unique, beautiful way. Everything you're about to read is true...

There's someone in my life that I love... a lot. The problem is that his drug addiction has held him prisoner in his own body for many years. He's young... not quite 30. I have personally seen God miraculously intervene and save his life repeatedly. I believe with complete confidence that God has an enormous plan for this his life. I know it. I've been trusting God for a breakthrough in his life for a really long time now. And praise God, I believe it happened a couple days ago...

This person missed his bus for a very important job interview. Because he missed his bus, he would have to walk 8 miles to the interview and he had only an hour or so. Let's put two and two together... impossible. Half a mile into this man's walk to get to his interview, a random truck honks his horn. He keeps walking, not recognizing the truck. One mile later, the truck pulls next to him and a man inside says to my friend: "Hey there. Do you need something? Can I help you with something?" My friend, surprised, says "Well, yes sir. I missed my bus... I'm trying to make it to my interview. I'm not sure that I'm going to make it. Could you maybe take me to the bus stop in town?" This random stranger says to my friend, "Actually I can take you all the way to your interview. Hop in." This stranger explains to my friend that God told him to stop. He was the guy that had honked a mile back. God told him to ask my friend if he needed anything. This stranger talked me my friend about Jesus... he didn't PREACH about Jesus, he just talked nonchalantly. This stranger encouraged my friend. And my friend was deeply touched, because a random man was completely obedient to God. This stranger's act of kindness and his words were EXACTLY what my friend needed, and God knew that.

This friend came over a few days ago and shared his heart with me and that story. He said that when the bus passed by, such an anger stirred up in his heart and he got so angry at God... he told God that he was truly TRYING to turn his life around and now his chance at a job was lost when that bus drove by. But God, with his perfect knowledge, decided to bless this random stranger and my dear friend. This simple act of kindness was exactly what my friend needed to give him some hope... hope in God, and hope in the humanity of others. These were my friend's exact words, "Kristen, it was like he was an angel. He was my angel God sent to help me." He then went on to tell me that he is truly making an effort to break free from this addiction. He told me that one day he wants to see God use him to minister to other people struggling with addiction. I'm trusting God to see that happen. I believe that my God is bigger than any addiction.

How often are we obedient to God when He asks us to do things that do not make sense? How often do we ignore God when he tells us to show love to others. I've posted before about showing the love of Christ, and that's exactly what that stranger did. I bet my friend will remember that man for a long, long time to come. What a good reflection of Jesus! So I want to truly encourage you to be obedient to however God tells you to love someone (even if that "someone" is a stranger walking along the side of the road). Be attentive and obedient to God.

So, who ever you are, you stranger in a brown dodge... THANK YOU. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea the impact that you've made. Thank you so much for your obedience. God bless you. Seriously.

Oh, and by the way, my friend DID get the job! God's so rad.

25 Honest and Bizarre Things about Me

1) When I was a kid I wanted a pet monkey so terribly bad. I would pray that my parents would buy me one. Every Christmas, I'd wonder where the box with my monkey was. I knew it had to be somewhere and they were just hiding it from me.

2) If I could do anything, I'd throw some essentials into backpack and travel the world. I'd absolutely never settle down... I'd never own a house or a car or do the "normal" stuff. I would roam around finding beauty in every little nook and cranny of the world.

3) Facebook is the only way I stay in contact with all of my friends from all over the globe, but I admit that I spend more time than necessary on it. I love it and hate it all at the same time.

4) I peed my pants in 3rd grade. Actually it was a dress. I told my teacher I had to go to the bathroom but she wouldn't let me so... it just happened.

5) I cheated for the first time in 2nd grade on a vocab quiz. I haven't ever told anyone that. The cheating got worse and I ended up cheating my way through high school. I think I only read one "required" book in high school. For some reason people just let me copy off of them...

6) I seriously love art. I could spend days wandering around an art museum. Art just captivates me. I am really pushing myself to tap back into my creativity. I especially love photography. I'd love to take classes and get more serious about photography.

7) Writing and music are my two escapes. I write all kinds of crazy nonsense. If anyone ever read my journal I'd be mortified. My whole life I've hidden my journal. Literally hidden it... like in a hiding space in my room. It's probably the only place that I express exactly how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking. I write my prayers to God in it and I write His responses. It's where I confess anything and everything. (Now do you see why I hide it?) And music has the power to calm and excite me at the same time. I love researching new artists and finding rad new bands.

8) When I was 17 I got a ticket for not wearing a seat belt. I tried to argue with the officer that wearing a seat belt was optional. I honestly didn't know it was a LAW that you had to buckle up. Click it or ticket, right? (I secretly hate when people say that)

9) I have a love/hate relationship with the south. South Carolina is beautiful and the mountains are stunning, HOWEVER, I'm just not a "southern girl". I do love southern food and the casualness of the south. I'm really not a fan of the southern accent. I've lived in South Carolina for 11 years and I've been fighting that accent all 11 of those years. I can usually manage to suppress it. For the past 11 years I've felt a bit of an identity crisis living in the south and I've known for years that I just don't belong here.

10) Up until recently, I've always had closer guy friends than girl friends. I always seemed to click better with boys. They were just so chill and so much less vain. They didn't gossip, they weren't fake, and there was always so much less drama. I've been learning how to be friends with girls. And let me tell you, now that I'm outta high school, I've realized that girls aren't so bad after all.

11) I'm extremely open. There's not too much that I won't tell you about myself if you ask. I like digging deep into the issues that most Christians are afraid to touch because they might get a little dirt on their hands.

12) I do not understand God. I never will. I understand THINGS about God, but trust me... I DO NOT understand Him. But I'm okay with that. I'll never "get" Him. He's just too massive for that. My brain cannot even begin to comprehend His love and grace. He's mysterious, quirky, funny and absolutely beautiful. I adore Him.

13) I'm scared to death of heights. I will never bungee jump or sky dive, even though I wonder what it would feel like. Someone would have to drug me for that to ever happen.

14) I broke my foot in South Africa. I was running in my yard like a lunatic and the rain had washed away a lip in the grass right where it connected with the pavement of the driveway. So as I was running, I kicked the pavement and then twisted my ankle and fell. I had to crawl around to my front door and then crawl up the front stairs. I was laughing and crying at the same time. My foot turned black and blue for more than a month... possibly because I tried to walk on it like everything was normal.

15) I have 6 piercings and 1 tattoo. My mother pierced my ears when I was 2 months old because everyone kept calling me a boy. I got my second hole pierced when I was in 8th grade. Nose pierced in 2006 and lip pierced in 2008. I pierced my belly button in high school but was terrified that my dad would kill me so I took it out soon after (surprise Mom and Dad!). I got my tattoo a week after my 18th birthday in October 2004. More tattoos to come...

16) I have sleep issues. Most nights I force myself to go to bed around 3 am. I just don't get tired before that. Also I seem to not be able to turn my brain off... I just lay there and think rather than sleep.

17) I'm passionate about human rights. Like really passionate... don't ask me questions about it unless you want me to talk your ear off. I want a career that has something to do with human rights.

18) The whole marriage and starting a family thing terrify me. I'm happy with my little darling Mia who's 3 now. The two of us make a fantastic team. She's all I need. For me, life's easier without a boyfriend. (However, if I'm being 100% honest, my biggest reason for not wanting a romantic relationship is fear. Fear of heartbreak. Fear of disappointment. Fear of being abandoned. Fear of failure.)

19) I really do love who I've become over the past 22 years. I love standing out and being different. I honestly don't want to be like "everyone else". I want to be Kristen... no one else. It's taken me years and years to get to this point.

20) I am not a romantic girl. Don't take me out on a fancy date with flowers and candles and all that jazz, just take me to a chill coffee shop where there's a live band and where we can talk.

21) One 4th of July, when I was 7, some kid hooked me in the lip with a fishing hook and I had to be rushed to the hospital to get it removed. I still have a scar.

22) I bite my nails and the skin around my nails. I've done it for as long as I can remember. Drives most people nuts, especially my mom. The moment I'm bored, or stressed or nervous, my hands fly straight to my mouth.

23) I love physical quirks. Freckles, moles, birthmarks, gaps in teeth, scars, stretchmarks... there are few things more beautiful to me than a body with stories to tell.

24) I cry. Often, and a lot. Books, articles, commercials, photos, TV, movies. I feel things deeply. Sometimes I think I feel them too deeply, but I don't think I would change it even if I could. I like that part of me.

25) I love tape and stickers. If there's anything around me with some sort of sticker I can peel off and play with, I will. Buy me a roll of Scotch tape and I'll be happy for a long time. I love the way it feels for some weird reason.

My Interpretation of "The Stand"

I'm gonna pick this song apart and share some thoughts with you. I'm so sorry that this turned out so long... This is by far one of my favorite songs. These lyrics are beautiful. It's song #8 on my play list.

Hillsong United
"The Stand"

You stood before creation
Eternity in your hand
And you spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand
You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart oh God
Completely to you

So I walk upon salvation
Your spirit alive in me
This life to declare your promise
My soul now to stand

So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
So I'll stand
My soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours



"You stood before creation
Eternity in your hand
And you spoke the earth into motion"

Dude, God is huge. I just close my eyes and try to imagine MY God creating the universe by SPEAKING it into existence. MY God is the creator of the universe. The crazy thing is that even before creation, MY God was there. (Now that's a strange thought, isn't it??)


"You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon your shoulders"

MY Jesus, who took upon MY failures, and the failures of the entire world and nailed to them to the cross. I wonder if we realize what that actually looks like and what that actually meant and what that must have actually felt like to Christ. MY Jesus took every single sin of every single person upon HIMSELF. I no longer have to be ashamed of my sinful past because it's done. Jesus paid the price already. (A friend shared the following with me and I thought it was beautiful and I couldn't have put it better myself):

God became His broken creation. He humbled Himself as Jesus, and Jesus humbled himself to washing the feet of sinners. How beautiful is that? We will never understand His love for us, but the mystery of it is the most beautiful thing in the world (I think the mystery makes it that much more beautiful)


"So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart oh God
Completely to you"

This should be our response to God. This is how I try, and WANT to respond to Him every day. But what does it look like to offer EVERY part of you to God... COMPLETELY? That sounds dangerous... it sounds exciting... it sounds scary... it sounds impossible... And it is hard to follow Him completely. It's not easy (and anyone who says it is is a liar) because the Bible says that what the flesh wants is opposed to the spirit. (Galatians ^{5:16 & 17 -} If you are guided by the Spirit, you won't obey your selfish desires. The Spirit and your desires are enemies of each other. They are always fighting each other and keeping you from doing what you feel you should.) So of course we don't FEEL like being completely submitted to God 24 hours a day, because that sinful nature inside of us wants to go against the Spirit.


"So I walk upon salvation
Your spirit alive in me
This life to declare your promise"

So, MY God is the Creator of the universe, and the Savior of the world... but there's more... By excepting HIS salvation and LIFE, I get to receive HIS Spirit. His Spirit is in ME. (I find this verse astounding):

Romans 8:11 The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.

Back to the song again. The last line here is key. Don't miss this... it reminds me that Christianity isn't just an "internal" thing. Following Jesus means more than praying before meals and having a quiet time... it's also about DECLARING. It's about sharing with others what God's done in your life. Do we do that often enough? Unfortunately I don't think so. It might be "uncomfortable" or "awkward", right...?

Mark 8:38- Don't be ashamed of me and my message among these unfaithful and sinful people! If you are, the Son of Man will be ashamed of you when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.

Um... so, basically, evangelism isn't a negotiable thing. Are you a follower of Christ? Then tell others about what Jesus has done in your life. If you find that "uncomfortable", I'd ask myself why. (NOTE: Understand that I'm preaching to myself. Forcing myself to step out of my "fleshly comfort zone" is HARD work. I don't want it to be hard; I want it to come naturally and that's something I've been working on.)


Speaking of preaching, I think that's what I'm now doing so I'm stopping myself. I think it runs in the family... ;)

Heart for South Africa.

I'm writing a paper about South Africa (facts on the country as well as what I experienced). While I was typing it up, some things were so heavy on my heart that I felt like I should share them with you. So, this post is dedicated to a country that's near and dear to my heart... South Africa.

There are many strongholds in South Africa. I believe that one of the reason for this is because the enemy sees the potential of the South African people and he's terrified. Satan is a liar, and a manipulator. Rape and HIV/AIDS are just a couple strongholds that are holding back South Africans. I hate to just mention negative things in this post, because there are wonderful things going on too, but these statistics are not just statistics to South Africans, this is their reality. Please fight the urge get sad and feel discouraged by this post... I pray that instead of feeling sorry for them, you'd get angry at what Satan is doing to them. Ask God for HIS heart for South Africa. Please be praying for this country.

Ephesians 10:12- "We are not fighting against humans. We are fighting against forces and authorities and against rulers of darkness and powers in the spiritual world." (Contemporary English Version)


HIV/AIDS.

South Africa is currently experiencing one of the most severe AIDS epidemics in the world. At the end of 2007, there were approximately 5.7 million people living with HIV in South Africa, and almost 1,000 AIDS deaths occurring every day.

The median income for Blacks and mixed race can be as low as $300/year, and the cost for AIDS drugs average $40 to $50 per month, clearly out of reach for a large majority of the population.

Almost 25% of all South African children under age 15 had lost at least one parent to AIDS. (in 2005)

In 2005, there were 240, 000 children living with HIV in South Africa and as a result of the disease, there were 1, 200, 000 AIDS orphans.



Rape.

"It is a fact that a woman born in South Africa has a greater chance of being raped, than learning how to read." If that statement doesn't break the heart of God, then I don't know what does.


Rape, including child rape, is increasing at shocking rates in South Africa. Sexual violence against children, including the raping of infants, has increased 400% over the past decade.

The raping of infants and/or children may also be due to the belief that sex with a child or baby will cure AIDS. A number of high profile baby rapes since 2001 (including the fact that they required extensive reconstructive surgery to rebuild urinary, genital, abdominal, or tracheal systems) increased the need to address the problem socially and legally. In 2001, a 9-month-old baby was raped by six men, aged between 24 and 66, after the infant had been left unattended by her teenage mother. A 4-year-old girl died after being raped by her father. A 14-month-old girl was raped by her two uncles. In February 2002, an 8-month-old infant was reportedly gang raped by four men. One has been charged (McGreal, 2001). The infant has required extensive reconstructive surgery. The 8-month-old infant's injuries were so extensive, increased attention on prosecution has occurred.

Various cultural beliefs in South Africa regarding rape hinder the problem of decreasing and reporting rape. It is difficult to impossible for a woman to say no to sex. Many girls and women believe that if they know the boy or it is a boyfriend who rapes them, they cannot say no to sex, even forcible sex. Many men believe they are entitled to sex or even believe that women enjoy being raped.

Isaiah 58:6-I'll tell you what it really means to worship the LORD. Remove the chains of prisoners who are chained unjustly. Free those who are abused!

Psalm 140:12- Our LORD, I know that you defend the homeless and see that the poor are given justice.

contentment. babies. bear grylls.

Alright...

Right now, I'm learning to be content. I'm learning to thank God for where He has brought me NOW... today. But that doesn't mean that I need to be sitting on my bum waiting for something to fall out of the sky for my next "step" in life. I dunno... I've been praying and applying and although I have more of a sense of peace in my heart, not much physically has changed. I still have no definite options. I still have no green light. I still have no clear direction. But I'm grateful for today. I'm grateful that I have this time with my family and friends because I'll never get THIS time back. I'm learning more and more about what it means to trust God to provide for me and give me clarity. I think I've been focusing too much on the negative things and not enough on the positive.

ALSO, I'm learning about forgiveness. Something somewhat mortifying happened to me this week. I felt really responsible for the painful ending of a relationship and I felt like I owed this person an apology and a slight explanation. Am I the only person in the world that finds saying the words "I'm sorry" excruciating?? Man, that's the pride in me. It's so hard for me to admit when I'm wrong and apologize... but I DID IT! And I feel so much better. Although I felt embarrassed and a little lame for having to do it, I feel a lot more relief now. I feel like I can finally get closure from that chapter in my life.

It seems like everyone I know is having babies or getting married. Is it something in the air?? I sure hope not... :) I can't believe it. But it seems like that's how it usually goes. When one person gets pregnant, EVERYONE else does too.

My grandparents are here for the day. They're heading back home (Virginia) from Florida. They got here late last night and are leaving early tomorrow morning. It's good to see them though.



Alright, let's talk music....

I have a literal obsession with City and Colour thanks to my friend Nick. Dallas Green is the lead singer and he's a GENIUS! Check them out... I actually have a few songs on my little music player thingy. Check out songs # 4, 23, 33, 58, 59 and 66. You won't be disappointed and if you are... then you have no taste in music. (KIDDING!)



Now movies....

Well I saw "He's just not that into you" with my small group girls on Friday. I really liked it. Parts were slightly depressing... but an overall good movie.

Also, I saw the movie "Taken" like 3 months ago while in South Africa and really liked it... now I saw a preview for it and realized that it just came out here! Weird. Good movie.



And finally TV Shows...

I'm 100% in love with Man vs Wild! Bear Grylls... there are no words... what a beautiful man. haha. Anyway, YES!... I totally have a crush on a man who eats bugs and drinks blood as his career. Go figure.

I haven't missed one episode of "The Bachelor" this season either. A little embarrassing to admit, but I really like that show! My favorite girl is Melissa. Hope she wins.