Okay. I have been really struggling with what to write about. I have so many different random thoughts going through my mind. Let me try to pull them together and see how things goes...
I went to FCA the other night, and the guy spoke about alcohol. First let me say that it was the most biblical sermon I have ever heard about alcohol and I enjoyed it, but this post is not about alcohol. He talked about sins that go along w/ alcohol. Judgment. Foolishness. Drunkenness. But here's what touched my heart. At the end of the whole thing, he said a prayer and in a half lit room, with hundreds of college kids and he said this: "If you're here and you've struggled with acting foolish because of alcohol will you stand and I'll pray for you". People stood. He prayed. Then he said, "if you're in this room and you've struggled with judgment because of alcohol. Maybe you choose to drink and you've judged people who choose not to. Or maybe you choose not to drink and judge those who do. Regardless, stand up and I'm going to pray for you". And TONS of people stood up. I looked to my right and saw a couple of men crying. As I watched their tears flow, I could feel their heart felt repentance. That act of complete humility brought me to tears. I wept with them and thanked God for allowing me to see humility.
So I've been thinking about that for about a week now. And I've been asking myself if I am moved to tears over my sins. Am I repentant? Do I possess that kind of humility? Am I willing to be completely open and vulnerable about my struggles?
What's the difference in my struggles and yours? What's so different about my anger and pride struggles and an alcoholic's struggles? What's the difference in a problem with gossip and a problem with drug addiction? What's so hard to believe about a follower of Christ struggling with addiction? Is that unbelievable? We try to minimize our sin and point out others so maybe people wont see ours. Is it possible for a drug addict to get radically saved yet still have "side effects"? I think so. It takes years to build up addictions and when people aren't 100% changed overnight, we persecute them. And I'm asking how judgment is any less of a sin than getting high? (Understand that I'm not condoning sin, I just don't see why Christians place addiction as a sin that's above all others. Sin is sin. Period.)
I'm so stuck on the rawness right now. I'm asking God to allow me to see that kind of honesty and I'm getting it. It's a beautiful thing.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Fear of Man
Last week's weather was absolutely beautiful. I was helping Somer move and we totally slacked off a couple days and got a blanket and laid out in the yard. The weather was too nice to pass up. Thank God we got all the moving and packing done... I'm not even sure how it all came together, but it did.
I know that I'm totally copying Somer's post, BUT God has put something so heavily on my heart lately that I had to write about it. The past couple weeks I've been thinking about fear. God's been showing me that I have more fear in my heart than I want to admit. Fear of stepping out into the unknown with God, fear of man, fear trusting people... lots of different stuff.
Let me first address fear of man. I do not want to be a woman who let's other people's opinions of me dictate how I live my life. But, I think a lot of times, I am. Last week, some friends and I met a woman who was getting a ride with someone but the guy kicked her out because she didn't have money to give him for gas. My two friends brought her inside, prayed with her, encouraged her and then gave her a ride themselves. The gentleness I saw that they had with this hurting woman touched my heart. I saw two crazy, Christian boys step out of their wordly comfort zone and speak truth and love to this woman. As I watched them interact with her, I asked myself if I was willing to do that. If I was willing to look weird in the world's eyes for my God. I've been asking myself this since that day last week. Their example of Jesus is exactly what I want to be. Their tangible love is what I want to give. That message of hope is what I want to offer the world. BUT when it all comes down to it, am I REALLY bold enough? God, I hope so.
Okay so now fear of stepping out into the unknown with God. Honestly, I think that this, for me, is intertwined with fear of man. Because I am not afraid of anything God could call me to do. I'm not. The more radical and crazy the better. But, I let myself second guess that passion because of fear of what my family or friends might say about me. I settle for comfortable and safe. I hate that. I hate that I can be so easily persuaded by the world. I want so badly to see Christians (including myself) have REAL relationships with each other. I want honestly and transparency. I want truth. I want to love and be loved in spite of failures. I want to be surrounded by followers of Christ who are admittedly struggling with issues in their lives but their hearts are desperate for Jesus. So many times we feel like we cannot be honest with each other because of judgement. So can we just stop? Stop judging each other and start loving each other? Please?
Psalm 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation:
Whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?
I know that I'm totally copying Somer's post, BUT God has put something so heavily on my heart lately that I had to write about it. The past couple weeks I've been thinking about fear. God's been showing me that I have more fear in my heart than I want to admit. Fear of stepping out into the unknown with God, fear of man, fear trusting people... lots of different stuff.
Let me first address fear of man. I do not want to be a woman who let's other people's opinions of me dictate how I live my life. But, I think a lot of times, I am. Last week, some friends and I met a woman who was getting a ride with someone but the guy kicked her out because she didn't have money to give him for gas. My two friends brought her inside, prayed with her, encouraged her and then gave her a ride themselves. The gentleness I saw that they had with this hurting woman touched my heart. I saw two crazy, Christian boys step out of their wordly comfort zone and speak truth and love to this woman. As I watched them interact with her, I asked myself if I was willing to do that. If I was willing to look weird in the world's eyes for my God. I've been asking myself this since that day last week. Their example of Jesus is exactly what I want to be. Their tangible love is what I want to give. That message of hope is what I want to offer the world. BUT when it all comes down to it, am I REALLY bold enough? God, I hope so.
Okay so now fear of stepping out into the unknown with God. Honestly, I think that this, for me, is intertwined with fear of man. Because I am not afraid of anything God could call me to do. I'm not. The more radical and crazy the better. But, I let myself second guess that passion because of fear of what my family or friends might say about me. I settle for comfortable and safe. I hate that. I hate that I can be so easily persuaded by the world. I want so badly to see Christians (including myself) have REAL relationships with each other. I want honestly and transparency. I want truth. I want to love and be loved in spite of failures. I want to be surrounded by followers of Christ who are admittedly struggling with issues in their lives but their hearts are desperate for Jesus. So many times we feel like we cannot be honest with each other because of judgement. So can we just stop? Stop judging each other and start loving each other? Please?
Psalm 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation:
Whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?
Friday, March 13, 2009
radical obedience
I am captivated by Jesus. I'm so intrigued by His words. He is without a doubt, the most radical man that has ever walked this earth. Since doing my School of Biblical Studies last year, I have had an obsession with the gospels. I can't get enough. Lately, I've felt really compelled to meditate on the story of the rich young man (it's in Luke 18.18-30, Matthew 19:16-30 and Mark 19:17-30).
The following is from Luke 18:18-30
18An important man asked Jesus, "Good Teacher, what must I do to have eternal life?"
I can't get those words out of my mind. "What must I do to inherit eternal life" is the question that the rich man asks Jesus. Jesus' response blows my mind. "Go and sell everything you own". Jesus doesn't beat around the bush. He doesn't sugar coat it for the rich man. He simply says "Hey, if you're serious about being my disciple, sell your stuff and give it to the needy then follow me." Obviously his possessions were an idol in his life because the rich man became sad and in the other gospels it states that "he became sad and walked away". So here's my question. What if I was the rich man and this is how Jesus responded to me. Would I follow Him? Would I be willing to give up everything I have to follow? AM I WILLING TO GIVE UP EVERYTHING I HAVE TO FOLLOW CHRIST? Are you? Think about it...
There's a book that I'm about to start reading. It's called "Under the Overpass". It's a book about a guy named Miked Yankoski. Mike was extraordinarily challenged by his pastor's sermon: Be the Christian you say you are. Mike was living a comfortable, upper-middle class life. He was attending a Christian college in California and spent much of his time reading about talking about God. "But we were created to be and do, and not merely to discuss", he writes. "The hypocrisy of my life troubled me". He felt he lacked a life of "radical, living obedience". He claimed he depended on Christ, but never put his claim to the test.
So, he set out with a traveling companion, Sam Purvis, to live like the homeless in six American cities. Mike wanted "to put my faith to the test alongside those who live with nothing every day". He set out to understand the life of the homeless and see how the Church responds. His book follows their five month journey, hearing stories of the homeless and constantly struggling to find food, a place to sleep, a bathroom and compassion.
The following is from Luke 18:18-30
18An important man asked Jesus, "Good Teacher, what must I do to have eternal life?"
19Jesus said, "Why do you call me good? Only God is good. 20You know the commandments: `Be faithful in marriage. Do not murder. Do not steal. Do not tell lies about others. Respect your father and mother.' "
21He told Jesus, "I have obeyed all these commandments since I was a young man."
22When Jesus heard this, he said, "There is one thing you still need to do. Go and sell everything you own! Give the money to the poor, and you will have riches in heaven. Then come and be my follower." 23When the man heard this, he was sad, because he was very rich.
24Jesus saw how sad the man was. So he said, "It's terribly hard for rich people to get into God's kingdom! 25In fact, it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to get into God's kingdom."
26When the crowd heard this, they asked, "How can anyone ever be saved?"
27Jesus replied, "There are some things that people cannot do, but God can do anything."
28Peter said, "Remember, we left everything to be your followers!"
29Jesus answered, "You can be sure that anyone who gives up home or wife or brothers or family or children because of God's kingdom 30will be given much more in this life. And in the future world they will have eternal life."
I can't get those words out of my mind. "What must I do to inherit eternal life" is the question that the rich man asks Jesus. Jesus' response blows my mind. "Go and sell everything you own". Jesus doesn't beat around the bush. He doesn't sugar coat it for the rich man. He simply says "Hey, if you're serious about being my disciple, sell your stuff and give it to the needy then follow me." Obviously his possessions were an idol in his life because the rich man became sad and in the other gospels it states that "he became sad and walked away". So here's my question. What if I was the rich man and this is how Jesus responded to me. Would I follow Him? Would I be willing to give up everything I have to follow? AM I WILLING TO GIVE UP EVERYTHING I HAVE TO FOLLOW CHRIST? Are you? Think about it...
There's a book that I'm about to start reading. It's called "Under the Overpass". It's a book about a guy named Miked Yankoski. Mike was extraordinarily challenged by his pastor's sermon: Be the Christian you say you are. Mike was living a comfortable, upper-middle class life. He was attending a Christian college in California and spent much of his time reading about talking about God. "But we were created to be and do, and not merely to discuss", he writes. "The hypocrisy of my life troubled me". He felt he lacked a life of "radical, living obedience". He claimed he depended on Christ, but never put his claim to the test.
So, he set out with a traveling companion, Sam Purvis, to live like the homeless in six American cities. Mike wanted "to put my faith to the test alongside those who live with nothing every day". He set out to understand the life of the homeless and see how the Church responds. His book follows their five month journey, hearing stories of the homeless and constantly struggling to find food, a place to sleep, a bathroom and compassion.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Pep Rally for the Soul
God is absolutely messing up my life... and it's FABULOUS. I feel like I have a been to a pep rally for my soul. Something in me feels different... stronger, more excited. I feel like I've fallen in love again.
Last night God blew my mind at the house church that Somer and I started going to. Music helps me feel connected to God's heart. Music puts me in a place of focus and reverence. Last night as we sang "Fire Fall Down", I saw God move so mightily in that room. As we sang praises to our God, I looked around the room and saw people crying, dancing, praying, SHOUTING, and laughing... It's just that when you encounter the Spirit of God there's a feeling a joy and freedom that is incomprehensible. There's a feeling of love and gratitude that is mystifying. And that's how I felt. The words that kept playing over and over in my mind were JOY and FREEDOM.
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty (emancipation from bondage, freedom)." 2 Corinthians 3:17
" 43Everyone was amazed by the many miracles and wonders that the apostles worked. 44All the Lord's followers often met together, and they shared everything they had. 45They would sell their property and possessions and give the money to whoever needed it. 46Day after day they met together in the temple. They broke bread together in different homes and shared their food happily and freely, 47while praising God. Everyone liked them, and each day the Lord added to their group others who were being saved. " Acts 2:43-47
This is something that we talked about at church last night, and to me, this is one of the most inspiring, beautiful passages of scripture I've ever read. What would this world look like if we, as Christians, modeled our behavior after the early church?? They saw miracles, they shared EVERYTHING they had, they had fellowship together, they praised God, everyone liked them and EACH DAY they saw people's come to know Jesus. To them, it wasn't just a "Sunday" thing. This was their life, day after day. Desperate to see His kingdom come on the earth. This leaves me in complete awe.
These are the lyrics to "Fire Fall Down". It's song #1 on my play list. Listen to the lyrics. Read the lyrics. What would it look like if we meant the words to this song? "These hands are yours, teach them to serve where you please " "Your fire fall down on us, we pray" "show me your heart" "show me your way" "show me your glory"
"Fire Fall Down" -Hillsong United
Cause I know that you're alive
You came to fix my broken life
And I'll sing to glorify
Your Holy name, Jesus Christ
You bought my life with the blood
That you shed on the cross
When you died for the sins of men
And you let out a cry, crucified
Now alive in me
These hands are yours
Teach them to serve
As you please and I'll reach out
Desperate to see all the greatness of God
May my soul rest assured in you
I'll never be the same
No I'll never be the same
Cause I know that you're alive
You came to fix my broken life
And I'll sing to glorify
Your Holy name, Jesus Christ
You've changed it all
You broke down the wall
When I spoke and confessed
In you I am blessed
Now I walk in the light
In victorious sight of you
Fire fall down
Fire fall down
On us we pray
As we seek
Fire fall down
Your fire fall down
On us we pray
Show me your heart
Show me your way
Show me your glory
Last night God blew my mind at the house church that Somer and I started going to. Music helps me feel connected to God's heart. Music puts me in a place of focus and reverence. Last night as we sang "Fire Fall Down", I saw God move so mightily in that room. As we sang praises to our God, I looked around the room and saw people crying, dancing, praying, SHOUTING, and laughing... It's just that when you encounter the Spirit of God there's a feeling a joy and freedom that is incomprehensible. There's a feeling of love and gratitude that is mystifying. And that's how I felt. The words that kept playing over and over in my mind were JOY and FREEDOM.
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty (emancipation from bondage, freedom)." 2 Corinthians 3:17
" 43Everyone was amazed by the many miracles and wonders that the apostles worked. 44All the Lord's followers often met together, and they shared everything they had. 45They would sell their property and possessions and give the money to whoever needed it. 46Day after day they met together in the temple. They broke bread together in different homes and shared their food happily and freely, 47while praising God. Everyone liked them, and each day the Lord added to their group others who were being saved. " Acts 2:43-47
This is something that we talked about at church last night, and to me, this is one of the most inspiring, beautiful passages of scripture I've ever read. What would this world look like if we, as Christians, modeled our behavior after the early church?? They saw miracles, they shared EVERYTHING they had, they had fellowship together, they praised God, everyone liked them and EACH DAY they saw people's come to know Jesus. To them, it wasn't just a "Sunday" thing. This was their life, day after day. Desperate to see His kingdom come on the earth. This leaves me in complete awe.
These are the lyrics to "Fire Fall Down". It's song #1 on my play list. Listen to the lyrics. Read the lyrics. What would it look like if we meant the words to this song? "These hands are yours, teach them to serve where you please " "Your fire fall down on us, we pray" "show me your heart" "show me your way" "show me your glory"
"Fire Fall Down" -Hillsong United
Cause I know that you're alive
You came to fix my broken life
And I'll sing to glorify
Your Holy name, Jesus Christ
You bought my life with the blood
That you shed on the cross
When you died for the sins of men
And you let out a cry, crucified
Now alive in me
These hands are yours
Teach them to serve
As you please and I'll reach out
Desperate to see all the greatness of God
May my soul rest assured in you
I'll never be the same
No I'll never be the same
Cause I know that you're alive
You came to fix my broken life
And I'll sing to glorify
Your Holy name, Jesus Christ
You've changed it all
You broke down the wall
When I spoke and confessed
In you I am blessed
Now I walk in the light
In victorious sight of you
Fire fall down
Fire fall down
On us we pray
As we seek
Fire fall down
Your fire fall down
On us we pray
Show me your heart
Show me your way
Show me your glory
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Experiencing God in a Freezing Cold Coffee Lounge
Last night, Somer and I decided to step out of our comfort zones a little bit and went to a new church with about 25 other college aged kids that we did not know. Thank God I did, because I experienced God in that crowded, freezing cold room so deeply that I can honestly say that God shook me to my core.
His presence was more real in that room than I've experience in quite some time. His love was so incredibly thick and tangible that the only way I know how to explain it is that the power of His perfect love felt like there was a heaviness in my lungs. Everything in me was just completely focused on Christ... encompassed by His love.
It was a beautiful, monumental sight to see young people step up and wait on God and be 100% led by His Spirit. Not playing songs that they felt would have an impact, not saying words that they felt would impress... solely relying on the Holy Spirit to lead the entire night. There was intense intercession and prayer that I've NEVER seen in a church.
And the PEOPLE... there was a sincerity and a realness in them that I've been perpetually longing to see. These people were there to fellowship with the creator of the universe. They were desperate to know Jesus intimately. And in that place, you couldn't help but be sucked into the presence of God and be broken before Him. To worship God, totally uninhibited. I have been praying for while that I'd feel a sense of belonging and peace and that I'd be able to meet followers of Christ with hearts like mine. I've been begging God for Christian friends. I've been pleading with God for the connection that I felt last night.
God is faithful and He is good. Not just sometimes good, or sometimes faithful... ALWAYS. I am so grateful for these young Christians who are on fire for God and who want to impact the world for Him. I feel like I have a new respect for my generation.
Last night this song played over and over in my head. I could not get this song out of my mind. And when I woke up this morning it was still there...
"Your love is extravagant" -Casting Crowns
Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place
Cause Your love is extravagant
Chorus:
Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again
Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place
Your love is extravagant
Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again
Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
His presence was more real in that room than I've experience in quite some time. His love was so incredibly thick and tangible that the only way I know how to explain it is that the power of His perfect love felt like there was a heaviness in my lungs. Everything in me was just completely focused on Christ... encompassed by His love.
It was a beautiful, monumental sight to see young people step up and wait on God and be 100% led by His Spirit. Not playing songs that they felt would have an impact, not saying words that they felt would impress... solely relying on the Holy Spirit to lead the entire night. There was intense intercession and prayer that I've NEVER seen in a church.
And the PEOPLE... there was a sincerity and a realness in them that I've been perpetually longing to see. These people were there to fellowship with the creator of the universe. They were desperate to know Jesus intimately. And in that place, you couldn't help but be sucked into the presence of God and be broken before Him. To worship God, totally uninhibited. I have been praying for while that I'd feel a sense of belonging and peace and that I'd be able to meet followers of Christ with hearts like mine. I've been begging God for Christian friends. I've been pleading with God for the connection that I felt last night.
God is faithful and He is good. Not just sometimes good, or sometimes faithful... ALWAYS. I am so grateful for these young Christians who are on fire for God and who want to impact the world for Him. I feel like I have a new respect for my generation.
Last night this song played over and over in my head. I could not get this song out of my mind. And when I woke up this morning it was still there...
"Your love is extravagant" -Casting Crowns
Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place
Cause Your love is extravagant
Chorus:
Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again
Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place
Your love is extravagant
Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again
Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
Monday, March 2, 2009
"She Is Mine" -Melissa Barber
This post is dedicated to a great friend of mine named Melissa. She was one of my students in Durban. Immediately after meeting her I felt a connection to her. Melissa is so desperate for God. She is literally one of the most incredible, passionate, beautiful people I've ever met in my life. She has the biggest heart and God's blessed her with some INCREDIBLE talent. Melissa will change the world. She's played a really big role in my life in the half a year that I've known her. Melissa, I have crazy amounts of respect for you and I love 
you to death. Okay, watch this video of her's... (the song she's singing in the video she wrote and she made this video)"How He Loves"
This song just... it does something to me in my spirit... these lyrics are so intense that every single time i hear this song, i get goosebumps. Please watch the video too. Kim Walker rocks this song.
"How He Loves" -Kim Walker
He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.
Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.
So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way
That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves
He loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves
[Whispered]: Well, I thought about You the day Stephen died and You met me between my breaking
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony
...they want to tell me You're cruel
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause...[voice breaks]...
Cause He loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves
Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves
"How He Loves" -Kim Walker
He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.
Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.
So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way
That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves
He loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves
[Whispered]: Well, I thought about You the day Stephen died and You met me between my breaking
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony
...they want to tell me You're cruel
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause...[voice breaks]...
Cause He loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves
Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves
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