just a bit of reflecting and dreaming...

I've been a slacker. I've sat down dozens of times since I've been home, really wanting to write a blog but I've had trouble finding the words. However it's the beginning of a new year and I've been doing some reflecting on 2008 and dreaming about 2009 so here goes...

Well... I'm home (obviously) and I really didn't think I'd have a hard time getting adjusted. I knew it would be hard to leave all of my friends, and I knew it'd be a process learning to live with my parents (no offense to them! It's just that after I've lived away from home for so long... I've just gotten used to things a certain way). I can't really explain it. Things are just different. That being said... I'm an adapter. I am not in my element but for the time being, this is my home... I gotta just remember what I love about here. Looking around at how blessed I am, it's not hard to find things I love. I'm absolutely ecstatic to wake up every day and see my wonderful family. I've missed them tremendously.
But I have all these dreams and all this passion that if I don't do something with very soon I might just go a bit crazy. I have direction. I have goals. I have huge dreams that are not "normal" for a twenty-two year old, American woman. I want to be uncomfortable. I wanna be challenged. I wanna EXPERIENCE life to it's fullest. I wanna do things that at this point I've only dreamed of. I wanna give grace like I've never given it before. I wanna love others more than myself. Being radical for God is very very costly, but I know He's worth it.

I believe in people. I believe in enabling people to become world changers. I believe in restoration of lives... of communities. I believe in freedom. I believe in justice. I know what Jesus Christ has done in my own life and I want to do everything I can to tell people about how amazing my God is. I wanna sit down with people and hear their stories. I wanna hear about other people's journeys. I want to have an open ear and heart to people; to take the time to make people feel validated. I want to love others because Jesus loves them; because we're all worthy of love. I wanna TRULY love people. I'm currently learning what that looks like. I'm learning what it looks like to be like Christ. I fail... a lot, but I really am trying.

Isaiah 58:9-10 (contemporary version)
I'll tell you what it really means to worship the LORD. Remove the chains of prisoners who are chained unjustly. Free those who are abused! Share your food with everyone who is hungry; share your home with the poor and homeless. Give clothes to those in need; don't turn away your relatives. Then your light will shine like the dawning sun, and you will quickly be healed. Your honesty will protect you as you advance, and the glory of the LORD will defend you from behind. When you beg the LORD for help, he will answer, "Here I am!" Don't mistreat others or falsely accuse them or say something cruel. Give your food to the hungry and care for the homeless. Then your light will shine in the dark; your darkest hour will be like the noonday sun.

HOME!!!!

We're home!!! After about 30 hours of traveling, we finally made it back home. Mia did pretty good on the plane; she slept a good bit. I had a really hard time sleeping though and I'm still pretty tired. Jet lag this time has been a bit tougher than I thought. I'm exhausted at night and then wake up all throughout the night. Mia's pretty much the same with her sleeping schedule. She has a nasty cough too.

It feels a bit weird to be home. Kind of like a dream. Here are some things that are odd to me: to be able to open my fridge and eat whatever I want. To see white eggs. To see milk in a jug. To be able to use the computer at any point during the day. To have a house phone. To have a tv and satellite and tivo. To hear a southern accent... and you guys have THICK accents... thicker than I remember! To sleep in such a huge bed. Not to live with like 30 other people. To take an amazing, hot shower anytime I want... and it doesn't flood the entire hallway when I shower! To finally experience winter at home.

Although I have so much to get used to, I'm so happy to be home. Of course I know I'll miss South Africa, and it'll always have a place in my heart, it just feels good to be back around my family and friends. I already miss my South African friends though.

Please continue to pray for my team as they're rockin it in Botswana. I'm so proud of them and I cannot wait to hear all the stories of what God's doing in and through them in Botswana. I'll keep yall posted on the stories too. Anyway, thank you so much for all of your support and prayers. I wouldn't have be able to do what I did if it wasn't for you guys. Thanks a ton!

(UPDATE: the pictures are of my team in Botswana)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving! I absolutely cannot believe that it's Thanksgiving already. Well... we made it back from Worcester on Sunday. The trip back went okay... Mia didn't do as well as usual. Very tired and whiny 23 hour bus ride back to Durban, but we did survive. :)

Okay BIG BIG NEWS: With much prayer from the leadership on the base, I will not be going on outreach with my team to Botswana. The trip is a pioneer trip to a village in the desert and they think it'll be too much on Mia. Which means.... I'll be heading back to the US on December 8th!! So I'll be seeing you guys in about two weeks!!! Please keep my in your prayers as I'm getting ready to leave my team and fly home.

It feels good to be back in Durban. The weather isn't so great. Humid beyond anything I've felt in a long time. The humidity is possibly worse here than it was in Florida. Horribly humid. Very hot. Which means that laundry never gets dry (everything line dries). Literally as soon as you step out of the shower, you're already sweating. There's no where to go to escape the heat. Thank God it's slightly cooler inside... but not by much.

This week we're having training for next weeks OVC Camp (orphans and vulnerable children). Lots of information and even a bit of inner healing this week. It feels good to be more prepared to know how to handle potential situations to do with the kids we'll be spending time with next week at the camp. There will be 80 kids at the camp. The kids that are coming to the camp are the kids from Burlington (the township that we do ministry in), so we have relationships with some of them already.

Anyway, hope everyone's having an awesome Thanksgiving! I love you guys!

Welcome to Worcester

Well, we made it to Worcester safe and sound. Worcester is probably the most beautiful place that I've been to in South Africa. We're literally right in the middle of the mountains. God is such an incredible artist. I've taken TONS of pictures that I'll upload when I get back to Durban.

This is week has been ridiculously awesome. There's about 300 YWAMers with us on the Worcester base. Many different nations. Many different languages. Many different skin colors. It's great. God has seriously touched my heart through worship in the past 2 days. You know the really intense times of worship where you can FEEL God's presence? It's so real and so heavy that it feels like you can reach out and physically touch God. But it's something that cannot be put into words. I cannot even begin to explain. There's nothing like the presence of God. So far, I think that this is the best week I've had since the DTS started. It's weeks like this when God completely shakes me. I love it.

My team is continuing to blow me away. Their desperation and hunger for God excites me. Each day God teaches me something new through one of them. Literally every single day.

Okay I gotta get going. I uploaded a bunch of pictures onto facebook. Many more to come. (UPDATE: I went through here and added pictures. There are pictures from the Durban bus station, in town (Worcester) and the place I stayed in Worcester.)

Discipleship

This week's lecture was on Lordship/Discipleship. This was a great week for me. No matter how many times I hear a lecture on Lordship, I can always get something out of it... in some way, God always challenges me and reminds me that there are areas of my life that are not completely surrendered. There are days that I wake up and give everything I have to God... then somewhere in that day I will lose patience, or I'll make some stupid decision and the Holy Spirit convicts me and reminds me that my life isn't my own... it belongs to God and every single thing I do needs to glorify Him.

Staffing this DTS has been one of the most challenging things I've ever done. I know that this is a "God thing" though, because it is so hard. Spiritual growth and maturity is challenging. Through our failures is where we learn the most. It's in my mistakes that I realize God's mercy and grace. So many times I've felt like I ALMOST couldn't do this, but I know without a doubt that because God called me to YWAM Durban to staff this DTS that he's equipped me for every challenge I'm facing. I am capable. If He's called me to it, he'll give me the grace I need. He'll provide for me and encourage me. It's part of His character. He doesn't call you to something then abandon you. He walks the road with you.

Discipleship is something I'm passionate about. It's a huge part of the reason why I'm here staffing this Discipleship Training School. I'm passionate about seeing people discipled. I want to spiritually challenge my students. To me, in order to speak into their lives and disciple them, I must be actively involved in their lives. I must be spending time with them daily. I must have one on ones with them and small groups. I must take them out for coffee and talk about life with them. I gotta LIVE LIFE with them. I guess it all comes down to relationship. If I have relationships with them, they build respect and trust with me and I with them. I love them, but that love came over time. It required me spending time with them and getting to know them. It required getting to know what makes them laugh, knowing about their families back home, knowing about their pets, knowing about when they got saved, knowing about their favorite foods, knowing about their pasts... knowing them. Relationships are vital.

We're all leaving for Worcester, South Africa tomorrow. It's a 20 hour bus ride. Mia's on my lap the whole time. We're going there for a huge conference. I know God's going to do something amazing next week in Worcester. Just keep praying for me and my team. I love you and miss you tremendously.

Culture.

This weekend is a blur. The days have been going by unusually fast lately. We went to the mall on Saturday and walked around. When we get into the city, it makes me feel normal again. Being in the mall with hundreds of other people makes me feel somewhat normal. It reminds me that YWAM Durban isn't "life"... and that there's more to life than YWAM Durban. It makes me also kinda feel like I'm at home in the US again. The hustle and bustle of life refreshes me. To some extent, the chaos of life revitalizes me I think. Odd, I know. 

Last week's lecture was on cultural redemption. Our teacher was a white South African woman. We did several exercises to show the differences and similarities in our cultures. In the DTS that I'm staffing there are 2 Canadian students, 2 South African students, 1 American student, and 1 English student. It's really interesting to hear where the South Africans are coming from and it was great to share a bit of my culture with everyone. I mean, yes, I am in South Africa. I am here to experience South African life HOWEVER, I am still a North American woman. I cannot leave every piece of who I am behind because I'm in a different country. I don't expect anyone to lay down who they are because I'm from another country. Wouldn't it be amazing if I could bring my culture to the table and the South Africans could bring theirs and we could learn to adapt to each other. We could learn things from one another instead of argue who's right and wrong? Hmm... seems ideal to me.

So the most exciting thing that happened today was that Mia got some dry erase markers and colored on the wall in our lecture room. I almost died. There are 2 little kids that live on base (their parents are on staff) and they came and told me that Mia was coloring... on the wall. Mia was so surprised to see me when I walked into the lecture room. Thank God all the art came off the walls. 

Hope everyone had a great weekend. I love and miss you guys. 

Wednesdays in Burlington.

Every Wednesday we do what's called feeding scheme. We put a program together and minister to the kids in the township here (the name of the township is Burlington). But after we do the program we feed them. They eat rice and stew. We have usually around 60 kids from the ages of about 2-12. So here's kinda what happens: We walk about 20 minutes into the township. The kids are usually ready and waiting on us. We show them how to wash their hands and then when everyone's done getting washed up, we present a little message to them, we sing songs, play games, do dramas and that sort of thing. Here's one of our biggest challenges: they speak Zulu... we do not. Usually we have a translator, but there are occassions when we don't. These children are at times completely defiant. They are starving physically and emotionally. They are so hungry for love and affection. So even in the moments of meltdown and frustration because we cannot communicate or the kids just DO NOT listen... we know that we are making a huge impact in their lives. When we smile at them or wink at them, when we hug them and hold their hands, when we give them a high five or thumbs up, when we tell them we love them... we're showing them Jesus.

They absolutely love cameras. They love taking pictures and then looking at themselves. They're normal children. They're silly and curious. The sad thing is though, that it's typical to see a 6 year old child carrying around her baby brother. So many of the children in Burlington are orphans. There's a huge problem with HIV/AIDS in Burlington, also TB is very common. No matter what age these kids are, if a parent dies, they rise up and take on the role as the parent. They're robbed of their childhood and their identity.

I read an extremely sad statistic that stated this: It's a sad but true fact that it is more likely for a South African woman to be raped than to learn how to read. That makes my heart ache. What a horrible reality.

I love you guys. Goodnight.

What the heck is LOVE??

This week seems to be a little more challenging for me for a variety of reasons. I think that so many of my weaknesses have been highlighted in the past few days but that's actually not a bad thing. When I realize my weaknesses, I can work on them, but at times when you're realizing your weaknesses, it's incredibly lonely and painful. Also I think also a contributing factor is that I really feel a bit homesick this week. I'm missing home. I miss my family and friends tremendously. However, I personally love change. I'm not scared or intimidated by change... but it IS hard to pack up and move on... to leave best friends behind and just start over. I'm growing so so much during this time though. I know I am. I can feel it.

Our topic this week is relationships. We have an awesome speaker. She's on staff with YWAM Muizenberg and she's originally from Washington state. It's cool to have an American speaker too. Anyway, her and her husband work with the School of Biblical Studies at the YWAM base in Muizenberg. So far this week, we've been talking a lot about grace and love. I've loved her lectures so far and I'm looking forward to what she has to share with us for the rest of this week. She gave us a little class time assignment today. She wanted us to define love... to be creative and write something. Here's what I wrote:

Love is patient with a tired, whiny two year old... even at 3 am. Love is kind to every person it comes in contact with... including the people who are the most undeserving. It's not envious of others' successes nor does it boast in its own. It is not arrogant about its cultures or convictions. It does not insist on its own way, even when its own way is right. It's not irrational towards other or resentful of the people who've taken advantage of it in the past. it does not rejoice in conflict, strife, gossip, or failures, but rejoices in peace, unity, humility and prosperity. It bears through homesickness, discouragement and loneliness. It believes in truth and always stands for the truth... no matter what consequences may come of it. It has hope in all people... even the ones who've let it down the most. Love endures through pain and hardships. Love is selfless and sacrificial at ALL times, to ALL people.

Well that's it for now. I love you guys. Please keep me in your prayers.

Drakensberg

Okay. First of all, apologies for my lack of blogging. The internet on the base wasn't been working, and then we went away for a week of teaching to a YWAM base that had no internet. Anyway, I'm back now with internet access.

Last week we went to Drakensberg, South Africa to the YWAM base there for a teaching on the Holy Spirit. The YWAM base there is on a farm and it was absolutely beautiful. I'm having an amazing time in Durban. God's teaching me so many lessons through my students and friends here. Leadership has been way more of a challenge than I imagined it would be. In the midst of my shortcomings God's proving to me that his grace is sufficient. Every day my prayer is that God will give me a humble heart and a teachable spirit. Sometimes being rebuked is painful and hard, but that's where we experience the most growth... when we make mistakes, it forces us to learn a lesson. This is all learning process. I never claimed to have it all together or be this super hero leader, but I'm honestly trying my best. God's teaching me to manage my time, control my anger, rely on him to meet my emotional needs, to exhibit self control with my words, to learn to communicate better and so so so much more. I find myself praying for patience all the time, then it seems like that same day I get put into a situation where I have to opportunity to put into practice what it means to be patient, but I then get angry and frustrated. Then I go to God and complain about the situation. Finally one day God spoke to me so clearly. This is what he said, "Kristen, you're asking me for patience. Learn it! I'm giving you opportunities. I'm doing my part. Do yours." Duh... okay God now I get it. But wouldn't it be so much easier if I could just snap my fingers and get a huge dose of patience?? That's not real life though.

Yeah, life is good. Challenging, but good. I hope everyone's doing fantastic. I love and miss you.